"That tuna does not come from dolphins"
"That Jurassic Park wasn’t a real place.
I wish I was joking."
"I used to work at hospital. One of the most frequent things I had to tell people was why it was a bad idea to smoke near their relatives or friends who had oxygen tanks."
"That Portugal isn’t next to Brazil and that Spain isn’t “just south of the border”"
"My boss once asked me what you’re supposed to do with trash if you don’t have a garbage disposal in your sink.
Confused, I said : You mean, like put it in a trash can? He said : Is that what it is?
Never seen someone that disconnected from reality."
"That someone can’t give you AIDS by touching a door handle. And to not call the cops on this person because they have AIDS and touched a door handle."
"Back when I was active duty Air Force, I had to explain to a woman I worked with why she should not mail fireworks to her husband. See, he was going to miss Independence Day. Because he was deployed in Iraq."
"Vitamin C and Calcium are different"
"Once met a girl who thought there was a sun for every state."
"Seeing-eye dogs are not also blind."
"I had to explain to my adult coworker, who is 5 years older than I am, who has two children, that when she goes outside and looks up at the sky she is in fact looking up into our atmosphere, and beyond that, space. Yes actual “space”.
She thought we lived inside the Earth’s crust or something. She said she was never really too sure on the subject. Wtf. And she definitely gets paid more than I do. FML."
"That the engines on the plane we were flying in could not be turned off during the flight just because she thought they were too loud."
"That Ireland is a real country and not just a made up place for leprechauns and four leaf clovers"
"That the plural of shelf is not shelf’s. That Sasquatch is not a type of fruit. That a bidet is not your sex drive. That a blank CD is not a CD writer.
This was all the same guy."
"Does trying to explain copy & paste to my mother 3938361538493736384948 times count?"
"It’s amazing how many people think chicken is not meat."