"I grew up on a cattle farm. A woman about 15 years older than me (I was 16) asked me “after you cut off the meat from the cow, how long until it grows back so you can cut more?” I wish so badly that she was [email protected]#king with me."
She was not."
“Hell yes, bratwurst! Wait, do bratwursts have sausage in them? I’m allergic to sausage.”
"I went to college in a small town and every Thursday they would have a mobile DMV. When I had to get my liscence renewed they were having trouble with the internet. The woman in charge instructed the other woman working there to “shake out all the wires because sometimes the information gets clogged up in them.”
"My friend who was a senior in high school thought senior discounts would apply to him. It led to an incredibly awkward back and forth between a Taco Bell worker."
"During WWII history class, a girl actually thought the “Front line” was a piece of rope held by the troops."
"Not me but my Dad has heard:
“I set out all these bird feeders and bird baths but not one bird comes to my yard. I bet it is all those pesticides that crop duster is laying down in the field” — local school board member, as they were standing in her 5 acre yard with 20 or more cats running around."
"Coworker at my old job while we were setting up for Black Friday – “It’s pretty crazy that Black Friday actually falls on a Friday this year.”
“Does an egg get boiled before or after it comes out of the chicken?”
"I was in line at a KFC when the guy in front of me asked, How many pieces of chicken are in a 15 piece bucket…"
"Was leaving the theater after having watched Fellowship of the Ring, overheard a guy tell his friend “I don’t get it, how come it ended just like that?” and the friend replied “Tolkien wrote the 3rd already but he’s still working on the second.”"
“Phones don’t run on electricity, they run on batteries.”
-said in that condescending “Ugh, this is so obvious” voice
“Earth is flat because if it would be round, then it would bounce.”
“I don’t need to get vaccinated, my dad’s a chiropractor”
I hope he can massage the [email protected]#kin measles out of your bones you nut. She also thought that dinosaur bones were “planted there”
"A customer at a restaurant, after asking for a vegan menu and staring at it for 10 minutes asking; ‘Why dont you have any chicken dishes on the menu?”
Followed up with ‘What animal is a ham?’"
“Pigs don’t have blood.”
My coworker trying to explain his belief that pigs dont have a heart, blood, or veins which is why they’re “white meat”.
"Two grandma’s talking in France. Well, there is definitely more wind ever since the fall of the Berlin wall. They were dead serious… I heard that as a kid and I still laugh at it."