"Is there such a thing as too much cuddling?"
“The real murderer is in your house.”
"I need to talk to the manager."
"Guys, you haven’t forgotten about me, right?"
"Why did you interrupt my meal, hooman?"
"The anguish... after losing his bed to the void"
"Pet my fluffy bear too, mom!"
"Too exhausted to even make it to the Amazon box."
“Send me the catnip and the dog lives.”
"I demand pets, hooman."
“They were both sleeping 3 minutes ago.”
"When mommy says, “Smile for a picture!”"
“Muse, watching me cook and hoping for a treat because ONE TIME I dropped some bacon and she’s been chasing that high ever since.”
"Ok, keep on eating your snacks, I won’t share my food with you either."
"The first time eating from a dish can be a little messy."
“My dog is a saint, my cat not so much.”
"Tutenkattun"
"When my dog and cat first met"
“I see you have sammich. I also like sammich.”
"My rescue, James, the happiest dog"
"I’m speeeeed!"
"What do you mean no park today?"
"Malfunctioning during her 2 AM zoomies"
"What do you mean you’re getting me a dog brother?"
"Ok mister, I smell sausage breath, please explain."
Cat people: I love all animals, especially cats!
Dog people: Cats suck! Dogs are the only cool animal on earth! Boo, cats!