"Today I Was Extremely Sad And I Thought "I Can't Wait To Go Home And See My Cat, He Will Make Me Happy". Ok Well I Found Out He Was More Depressed Than Me"
"Mother-In-Law Just Served Me This Piece Of Cake"
"Some Poor Old Gary Somewhere Was Just Hoping To Declare His Love For Doris Today"
"It Wasn't Thought Through"
"A Driveway Crew Was Pouring Concrete At A New House Next To A Duck Pond. They Went To Lunch And Came Back To This"
"Well There Is A Water Snake Living In My Toilet Somehow"
"My Phone Was Stolen Last Week In London And I Just Got A Notification Saying It Had Been Located"
"Looks Like Someone Put Too Much Soap In The Washing Machine"
"A 4-Year-Old At My School Just Told Me They Liked My Minion Costume. These Are Just My Clothes"
"I'm Having A Disaster Of A Morning, And Then This Damn Squirrel Stole The Croissant I'd Been Saving To Finally Enjoy When I Got Back Home"
"Made A Turmeric Face Mask Without Actually Researching It And It Stained My Face. Now I Look Like Bart Simpson"
"Remember To Close The Dog Flap During A Torrential Rain"
"I Think More Than One Drink Was Needed After That Text"
"Well, I Think The Image Speaks For Itself"
"Came Home Late From Work, Drop My Open Sandwhich In The Parking Lot. Go To Make Pasta, The First Pot Slips And I Pour It All On The Ground"
"Make a second pot and the handle straight up breaks and my pasta goes everywhere. Didn't eat, had a lil cry."
"Built My PC No More Than 1 Hour Ago, Very Nice"
"Wife And I Visited The Eiffel Tower For Our Honeymoon"
"Got Up In The Middle Of The Night To Get A Drink Of Water, And When I Opened The Fridge The Door Fell Off In My Hand"
"Wife Got Assigned A Random Tag At The DMV. Didn’t Read It Til She Got Home"
"Drove 45 Mins To The Store Thinking I Had My Mask In My Pocket. It Was A Baby Sock"
"I Picked The Ladder Up Forgetting The Paint Was On Top"
"I Tried To Grow Potatoes, 10 Weeks After I Get This"
"Put Both On This Morning To Get Wife’s Opinion. Forgot To Change Before I Left And Was At Work All Day Like This"
"See That Tiny Sliver Of Metal In The Gap? Those Are My Car Keys That I Locked In The Groove Of My Trunk"
"Cable Guy Drills A Hole In The Side Of House, Into A Closet, Through A Guitar Case, And Right Through A Martin HD-28V"
"Doordash Sent Me This As A Delivery Confirmation Photo"
"Walked Through A Fly Strip This Morning. Spent An Hour Shampooing Glue And Fly Guts Out Of My Hair"
"Walking To My First Job This Morning With A Fresh Cup Of Coffee. That’s Not Cream, It’s Crow Poop"
"This Photo My Dad Took Of Me At Machu Picchu"
"Would Anyone Care To Guess Which One Is Currently Lining My Mouth?"
"Yearbook Photo From My First Year As A Teacher"
"I'm The Only Person In My Entire Office Of 30 People Who Dressed Up Today And I'm In A Full Body Banana Suit"
"When The Perfume You Bought Your Wife For Christmas Ends Up In The Toilet As “Air Freshener”"
"Paint Lid Wasn't Closed Properly By The Store"
"My Pepper Grinder Broke This Morning"
"Well I Flipped A Tractor"
"This Guy Bought A Smart Phone Online But Received A Stone"
"Bought A House In July And They Graciously Left Me A Mini Fridge In The Basement. After Moving All My Beer And Alcohol Downstairs I Discovered It Was, In Fact, A Freezer"
"Moved The Flour Away From The Kid So He Wouldn't Make A Mess. And I Knocked It Off The Counter With My Elbow"
"Dropped My Wedding Ring This Morning"
"My Friend Was Supposed To Take The SAT Today"
"Great Start To A Monday"
"Mclaren Inside A Dealership Gets Hit By A Loose Truck Wheel"
"With My Remaining 3% Battery On My Phone, I Post This"
"Driving My Wife's New Car (Still On The First Tank Of Gas) When This Happened"