"I once asked a girl, “Where have you been all my life?”
Her response was, “I don’t know, but I wish I was still there.”"
“I’m lonely not desperate”
"credit to letterkenny
“Buddy, you couldn’t wheel a tire down a hill”"
"I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you."
“You’re a conversation starter. Not when you are around but once you leave”
“If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around”
"I’d give you a nasty look but you’ve already got one"
"Your grades say marry rich, but your face says study harder."
"If you’re a spice, you’d be flour."
“You have a great face for radio”
"“You would have been better as a stain between the bedsheets” or any variation of it"
"I’d call you dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open…"
"You are the reason why shampoo has instructions"
"In a world full of soup you would eat with a fork"
"My mother always told me to be nice or be quiet. I presume you’ve not heard from yours in years?"
"I like to go to Shakespeare:
“You blocks, you stones, you worse than senseless things!”
“A most notable coward, an infinite and endless liar, an hourly promise breaker, the owner of no one good quality.”
“I am sick when I do look on thee.”
“More of your conversation would infect my brain.”
Dude could write."
"I find the fact that you lived this long both surprising and disappointing."
"I don’t know that it actually counts as an insult, but I once had to deal with this @$$hole who repeatedly told my girlfriend that he was in love with her and she should leave me for him. He messaged me once to say that he was a better man than me ect… I just replied “while you’re laying awake thinking of her, she’s laying awake thinking of me.”"