"I Am An Asian That Finally Used The Iris Recognition Technology On His Phone"
"Are We There Yet?"
"Door Was Jammed Form Inside So Phoned A Guy To Repair It. He Managed To Open It, Left His Tools Outside, Came Inside And Shut The Door. Now We're Both Stuck"
"I Spilled 50,000 2mm Glass Beads On The Ground And I Now Have To Sort Them By Hand"
"My Mom Accidentally Printed Her Divorce Papers On Stickers"
"Just Lost Thousands Of Dollars Worth Of Product At Work. Most Likely Getting Fired"
"UPDATE: It's bell pepper, about $250 a kilo and we lost 20 kilos in total. What happened was I was discharging the product inside the container and I thought I was completely done because none was coming out. I undo all of the screws, lift it up, and a shit ton poor's out. It turned out that the valve closed due to the vibration of the pump motor and there was a lot of leftover. No one will see it, hopefully. Most of the employees only use Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.
UPDATE: I didn't get fired! But I do have to go back to that order and make another 20 kilos which will be a long day. They were really understanding and forgave me for my mistake. Thank god I didn't lose my job!"
"My Boss Didn't Realize That There Was An Envelope Of Cash On Her Desk Before Using The Shredder"
"Someone Accidentally Set Off The Fire Suppression System In A Military Hanger"
"I Just Found Out This Isn’t Me. My Parents Never Took Out The Stock Photo And It’s Been There For Like Ten Years"
"I Got This Bread From Whole Foods. More Like Hole Foods"
"When Your Cabinet Decides It’s Time To Break Lose And Come Crashing Down The Day You Install Your Brand New Glass Top Stove"
"My Multi-Million Dollar Health Care Company Said They Were Getting Us A Present For Being Essential Workers. We Got A Baggie Of Masks"
"You Ever Mess Up Burgers So Bad That Even Your Grill Is Surprised?"
"Just Set Up New Monitor, Chair Slipped Under Me And I Hit The Desk, And Monitor Fell And Broke. Happy Friday"
"Prepared Cinnamon Toast Crunch In The Dark. It Was Cheez-Its"
"So Much For Changing The Battery"
"Someone In Australia Was Tying Their Shoe When A Fire Bombing Plane Had To Drop Their Load Due To Turbulence"
"When You Come Home And Your House Doesn’t Smell Like Pot Roast"
"Long Story Short, I Saw A Cockroach"
"Dropped My Full Can Of Tuna In The Drain"
"We Spent Two Hours Walking To A Famous Cave Expecting It To Go Underground And Everything. This Is The Cave"
"This Vet Trip Is Off To A Bad Start"
"I Do Calligraphy. I Misplaced The Circled In Character, Which Is Part Of A 300 Word Scroll That I Almost Finished After 5 Days Of Work, 200 Characters In"
"I Found Out Someone Cut Through The Convertible Top Of My Unlocked Car, Then It Rained Inside. I Was Let Go From My Job An Hour Later For Some Extra Spice"
"My Tenancy Ends Tomorrow After 2 Years In This Flat. Today, While Cleaning And Getting Everything Ready To Move Out, I Hit The Oven's Door And Broke The Glass"
"Didn't Realize One Of My Glove Fingers Broke Until I Was Done Dyeing My Hair"
"2020 In One Picture"
"So I Found Out That My Shoes Have A Hole In Them. At The Urinal At Work"
"My Friend Forgot To Check His Underwear Before Putting It On"
"I Got This Question Wrong"
"After Losing 1/3rd Of My Weight, I Finally Didn't Feel Too Fat Anymore. The Toilet Disagreed"
"Last Week, I Asked A Local Bookstore To Add The "Local Author" Section. They Did. Everybody Made The Shelf But Me"
"A while ago, I published a kid's book and talked the local book store into their first EVER book signing. Many other authors followed since then <...>"
"Gas Station Toilet Paper About The Width Of An iPod Shuffle"
"Lamborghini Huracan Flooded Due To Rain In São Paulo. It Was Not Insured"
"So, How's Your Day Going?"
"My Bathroom Cabinet Gave Up On Life At 5 Am This Morning And Nearly Gave Me A Heart Attack"
"My Mom Is A Beekeeper, And She Accidentally Spilt 10kgs Of Honey On The Floor"
"My Mom wanted to Surprise Me With A Delivery Of My Favorite Pizza & Ice Cream From Ohio To LA For My Birthday. UPS Lost The Package For 2 Days And Delivered On The 3rd - Refused Refund"
"She packed it in a cooler on ice & shipped via UPS for $350+ so it could be delivered next day during my birthday party."
"My Girlfriend Opened Her Jewelry Making Box Upside Down"