"The root word of infant was "infinite", therefore, infants have infinite wisdom."
"Someone once told me they saved the internet on a floppy disk. They actually saved their dial up connection shortcut, but they truly were convinced that it contained the whole internet."
"Someone pointed at my glucose monitoring device and asked, 'Do you have diabetes in your arm or is it in your stomach?"
You're a sick bastard. I like that.
Both from the same person.
Well, that explains the weed, prostitutes, and raw herring street snacks...
How do you explain stroopwafel then? They came from heaven.
"You can always trust the government".