"Her: “I think the law that requires you to wear a seatbelt is sooooo stupid. My body, my choice.”
Me: “Well what about your five-year-old son? You wouldn’t want to hurt him if he was riding with you, right?”
Her: (shrugs) “When it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go.”
Me: “Really? That’s how you feel about that? I mean...why even look before crossing the street, if ‘When it’s your time to go, it’s your time to go’?”
Her: “Actually, I usually don’t look when I cross the street.” "
"The spork is the devil's utensil because it's the amalgamation of masculine fork and feminine spoon, trying to blur gender lines in society."
""Math isn't real. Like if I said 2+2=5 it would be true."
This was from a nursing student."
"I worked at a museum and had to let a girl go because she was going around telling everyone that dinosaurs weren’t real because no animals can breathe fire. She was a law student."
"I went on a date about 6 months ago with a girl who was really into astrology. I had asked if she wanted to eat at a certain restaurant and she said no because of something in her horoscope. I explained to her that some guy that works for the local newspaper wrote that, or at best some guy writes for a ton of newspapers. She got really mad and we had my favorite conversation to think about
Her: “that isn’t true only an astrologist can write horoscopes.”
Me: “it’s not like every publication has an astrologist on their payroll”
Her: “it probably comes from a group of astrologists. It’s science and it’s illegal to lie about science, they would revoke that astrologist’s license”
Me: “his what?”"
"Someone said that Adam and Eve were white because they had seen pictures."
"I heard a person say, 'I don't want to swim in the ocean because I might get pregnant by a sperm whale.'"
"‘You’re twins? No you’re not. You can’t be twins if you don’t look alike.
’Ma’am we’re fraternal."
"I sat next to a girl in bio who got 40% on our first test. She seemed quite pleased and said that now she only needed to get 40% again to have an average of 80%."
"My coworker asked my boss, 'Can I have Monday off? It's my anniversary.' My boss responded, 'You got married on a Monday?"
"NASA makes up everything about space in order to convince us the earth is round, so the world governments can keep the hidden civilizations at the edge of the world a secret.
Not even kidding with that, my friend 100% believes that"
"The TA for one of my classes in college said his parents didn't let him watch Veggie Tales as a kid because 'vegetables aren't supposed to have souls.'"
"A girl in my eighth grade geology class once said that the oceans were so polluted because the dirty animals wash themselves in it."
"That I can’t be Jewish and German at the same time.
I told this girl that from my mom’s side I am Jewish (we’re not that religious though and my dad is Catholic) and that my mom was born in and is from Germany. Then she said that I and my mom can’t be German and Jewish because the Holocaust wiped every Jewish person from Germany and Europe out. Every single jewish person. I was thinking Has she never seen or heard a video from a Holocaust survivor? Bruh Also to top it all off so to say this girl was Jewish."
"Someone said that birds are mammals because they have meat."
"Overheard some lady saying her daughter isn't allowed to watch youtube any more because thats how people track you. She got this information from facebook."
"My friend said, 'You're trying to tell me that our sun is a star? What are all those other things?' I proceed to show her an observable universe’s size comparison video. She said, 'Humans can’t look that far, I can’t even see the moon sometimes.'"
"It was night at summer camp and when I turned on a flashlight during a storm this guy started yelling at me to shut it off because, apparently, light attracts lightning."
"Watching a sunset on the ocean one day when a late teens person asked me why the ocean doesn't put the sun's fire out."
"That rabbits come from eggs."
"A girl once told me she was a Vegan... But due to her medical condition she was required to eat meat which she did.. but still considered herself a Vegan."
"Someone told me the South Pole is hot because it's the south."
"A girl from Florida once told me 'because Australia is upside down, left is right and right is left'. I am Australian and told her she was right and not many people know that!"
"I was walking in a very popular, touristy park in the city I live in. There is a totem pole at the edge of the park that is very nice. While walking past I was asked by someone "Where can I buy seeds to grow one of these trees?" (person points to the totem pole) I said "It's a totem pole... They're carved from a tree. You can't grow them yourself." The person was flabbergasted."
"“Do you guys ride horses to school?”
I’m from Houston... apparently my friend from New York thought all Texans had horses"
"A friend in high school told me he didn’t take the SAT because he heard it’s easier the second time."
"There was a kid at my school who said his mom didn’t let him watch SpongeBob because she 'didn’t want the gay spirits in the house.' A few years later, he told everyone he was a furry so I don't know what changed over that time."
"That the post office doesnt ship mail to the Netherlands because you can't send physical mail to Hell. Just wanted to mail a postcard to my family in Eindhoven."
"My ex wife (wife at the time) came home late, said she had a flat tire and that her and her girlfriend were able to put the spare on (I taught her that) then she said there was something she didn't understand. She said she saw a screw in the tire and wanted to know that if the screw was in the top of the tire, why was the bottom flat."
"That the biggest number was 1,000"
"An ex tried telling me that his therapist assured him that it was MY sole responsibility to remain in a relationship with him to keep his sanity in check.....i obviously disagreed. Im not your personal prescription."
"me: it's unfortunate that it's cloudy tonight, so we can't see the stars.
friend: "ohhhh, so THAT'S why you don't see the stars sometimes"
Apparently she thought only some nights were starry because of the Earth's rotation or something."
"Someone told me that John Lennon was, in fact, the first president to be assassinated."
"My step sister told me we should see the PG-13 movie because PG meant 'pretty good."
"Why are people Canadian?"
"'It's not an MLM, you have to pay for those and they are illegal... I only paid £50 to get started'"
"A teacher told me (and the rest of my class) the Earth was flat something like 25 years ago when I was in high school.
I had never heard of a flat earther at that time and I remember thinking how much of an idiot the person was and questioning with my classmates how that person was supposed to teach us anything."
"The root word of infant was "infinite", therefore, infants have infinite wisdom."
"Someone once told me they saved the internet on a floppy disk. They actually saved their dial up connection shortcut, but they truly were convinced that it contained the whole internet."
"Someone pointed at my glucose monitoring device and asked, 'Do you have diabetes in your arm or is it in your stomach?"
"Someone once asked me, 'When is 9/11 again?' I didn't know if they were joking or not so I laughed. They were serious."
"That direction can’t be north because it’s diagonal and north has to be in a straight line. What?"
"A friend heard somewhere Mr Roger's was a sniper and he got a new tattoo for every kill. That is why he wore a sweater."
"She didn’t tell me but her daughter. A little girl asked her mother why the polar bears wouldn’t go in the water. We were at the zoo and it was a sunny day about 50degrees outside.
The mother responded. “Because it too cold for them honey”."
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You're a sick bastard. I like that.
Both from the same person.
Well, that explains the weed, prostitutes, and raw herring street snacks...
How do you explain stroopwafel then? They came from heaven.
"You can always trust the government".