"Fine, I'll say it. I always thought that pads operated like Band-aids and they'd just slap em over their vaginas and absorb everything. It wasn't until I was... 27? When my girlfriend at the time had some as a backup in case she ran out of tampons and I opened it and looked. The adhesive was on the wrong side for my version of how they worked, and it dawned on me that they're supposed to be stuck to their panties, not their vaginas. I only regret telling her of that revelation, because she laughed until she cried and then called her mom to tell her about it."
"When you’re having a really tough day, she unexpectedly comes home and surprises you with a bottle of your favorite drink, homemade cookies and a dinner you love. And then she cuddles with you while you vent about your now not so cr#ppy day. And you realize what it’s like to actually have someone support you.
And you find yourself wanting to make sure the toilet seat is down, smiling when you can never find anything in the kitchen, rolling with it when the living room turns into a 12 stage laundry OCD deployment zone, and you laugh when you trip over her shoes that are now tangled in a knot of hair bigger than the dog.
Because your house/apartment is no longer a place you live at, it’s now your home. And it’s safe to be the real you, not the show you put on when you were dating."
"That she owns only one truly GOOD BRA. There is only one and part of your duty as a man is to protect The Good Bra. If you are doing laundry, you must take the greatest of precautions to make sure it is properly cleaned, dried, and stored. God forbid The Good Bra ever turn up missing or in the wrong drawer.
Ladies, why is there only one GOOD BRA?"
"I was raised by a woman, so none of it was new to me, except:
I wasn't shocked or disgusted by it because I wasn't a 12-year-old; it was just like, "Huh. Yeah, I guess I'd have a separate selection of underwear to use when I'm menstruating, too. Why the Hell would I ruin all of my sexy underwear?"."
"I learned that bathroom can smell like soap and flowers and coconut instead of like pee."
"Apparently showering and washing your hair are separate events."
"If you leave something on the kitchen counter, it will get put/thrown away. If she leaves something on the kitchen counter, that's where it goes now."
"Pockets are very rare for women's pants. Several years married and still shocked by this."
"When you’re done showering, you’re supposed to stay on the bath mat while you dry off, not walk around the apartment"
"What home feels like."
"They fart just as much as men."
"Apparently, cleaning the toilet on the regular is much, much more important than I'd previously thought."
"How nice house plants are. Now I have all kinds of plants and my place feels so much more nice and relaxing."
"There is a wrong way to hang clothes to dry."
"Just how expensive and shoddy brands for women are."
"If they leave stuff at the bottom of the stairs, that means you’re supposed to bring it up. If it’s at the top of the stairs, you should bring it down. Also, the correct place for objects in the kitchen is where they currently reside. Stuff is gonna move around constantly, just roll with it."
"They have a really weird obsession with glass containers or jars."
"No matter how many bobby pins are in the house, there is always a need for more."
"Hair ties actually disappear faster than MIA socks. Until you find 20 in a kitchen drawer."
"One corner of the shower will become a "graveyard" for bottles of shampoo, conditioner, all sorts of stuff."
"Women are both simultaneously messier and cleaner than men. It’s bizarre how messy rooms can get with them and how quickly they can turn it around and make it clean!"
"An innocent cleaning excursion in the right circumstances will lead to a full-on reorganization of all the dang furniture in the house, if you're not careful."
"The hair that gets stuck in the shower drain. OMG."
"You find out the amount of food that a refrigerator can really hold."
"Fancy makeup takes a long time."
"You’ve been doing laundry wrong your whole life."
"Turns out RuPaul’s drag race is a great show"
"I never realised that she'd start wearing my clothes. T-shirts, sweaters, not even my damn underwear is mine any more!"
"I load the dishwasher so inefficiently, I'm no longer allowed to load it at all."
"I have freaked out too many times at what I thought was a 52-legged spider clinging to my bathroom wall."
"That there can never be enough throws/blankets/cushions."
"That moisturizer goes on the body too."
"Strange new foods will appear in the cupboard and the fridge. This is actually good, you will get to try new things."
"There is an incorrect place for hand soap on the sink."
"The wardrobe in your bedroom that you agreed to share 50/50? Just like the bathroom, in a few years it will be 90/10."
"No matter how much you vacuum or sweep the floor, there will ALWAYS be hair in the floor."
"When long, loose head hairs wash off in the shower, it's common practice to stick them to the wall rather than let them collect in the drain.
If she forgets to remove them afterwards, it can be very confusing for the next person in the shower. Why are there a bunch of individual strands of hair deliberately stuck to the wall?"
"To get rid of bangs you don't just cut them off."
"They're not nearly as neat and tidy as they want you to believe."
You sound like a joy to have around.