"(Hands someone a burner phone.)
"Keep this on you day and night. It rings, you betta answer."
"Okay. Do you have the charger?"
"This phone, did it come with a charger? It's not USB. It has one of those cylindrical ports, like on an old Nokia."
"Hey, you're the one giving out phones. It's charged now. How did you charge it?""
"Women can be in the jungle for weeks, and they don't have hair growing anywhere. Men immediately begin to grow a beard."
"When women run around in heels with perfect hair and makeup, and the dirt and sweat makes their hair and makeup look even better.
Looking at you, Jurassic World."
"Young singles living in million dollar condos that overlook the city."
"Everyone has 1 paper bag for groceries. And it has a celery stalk and loaf of french bread sticking out the top."
"Hello? (listens to the caller for one second)... what do you mean Tim got kidnapped by a drug cartel while he was shopping with his family in his trip to South America?""
"Preparing a huge five-star breakfast (pancakes, waffles, fruit, biscuits, oatmeal, omelette, etc.) that no one eats; I don't even understand why that's a thing in movies and TV shows."
"Whenever a simple miscommunication happens, no ever stops and clarifies with the other person. Like if one 10 sec conversation can derail an entire plot thread im not interested."
"No one using a computer ever uses a mouse. It’s just constant, frantic typing."
"Having highly confidential conversations about 4 foot away from the people they are talking about, and not being overheard."
"In horror movies, everyone runs upstairs. If there was something chasing you wouldn’t head for the door to get outside? Also you’re creeped out in the house but you never turn on the light?"
"Girl vomiting = pregnant
Someone hiccoughs = drunk
Someone coughing = seriously ill"
"Find a parking spot right in front of their building."
"One thing that drives me berserk in movies is when someone is driving and talking to their passenger. They refuse to keep their eyes on the road and insist on making prolonged eye contact with the person next to them. In the movies this often means a jump-scare car crash is about to happen.
I'd like to say that's unrealistic but my mom used to drive that way all the time. I hated going anywhere with her."
"Guessing the passwords of other people correctly"
"Always talking all clever and witty, without uhhh stuttering, or ummm.... pausing to think about what you're going to say, or never forgetting what you were about to say, what else was I going to say? I forgot.
There are only two movies with realistic dialogue: Napoleon Dynamite and the Big Lebowski"
"Being a young, aspiring artist/writer/actor living alone in a nice, spacious apartment in a prime area of a big city like New York or LA."
"School buses honking and waiting for kids that are still in the house. If I wasn’t at the bus stop when the bus arrived, it would drive on by. It didn’t stop. It didn’t honk. It didn’t wait."
"Go to bed wearing full make-up"
"Come over to a friend's place, stay there for all of 30 seconds to talk about something plot-relevant, and then just leave right away."
"Be a struggling writer while living in a multi-million dollar mansion. That one always puzzles me.
Or, a family moves into an expensive house, but neither parent has a job lined up yet. Yeah, how'd that loan approval process go, you frauds? You can't tell me they could all pay cash..."
"Getting hit over the head and knocked out........then just waking up later on and acting like they just have a small hangover."
"On the phone making plans: “ok, meet me at 5?” “sure.” And that’s the whole plan. Where are you meeting? Planning to meet someone in a public place never goes this smoothly"
"When they knock on the door or ring the doorbell and someone opens it within 2 seconds"
"End a call and hang up the phone without saying goodbye."
"Dreaming of kissing a beautiful woman, but actually you're just being licked by a [email protected]#king animal"
"Typing keyboard furiously to hack in seconds"
"Taking turns talking. Like in cop shows when one cop begins an explanation, then the next one picks up the story at a seamlessly convenient spot, then the third adds, “but...” and throws in some more.
No one in real life has ever talked like that."
"The amount of ultimatums in "romantic" movies is appalling. No real relationship can last if you're at the point of an ultimatum, you're just putting a dysfunctional relationship on life support for another week or two.
People don't stop doing stupid [email protected]#t, they just learn to hide it from you better."
"Every time anyone sneezes people assume they're sick, like don't they ever get random sneezes"
"Wake up at 6am no matter what time of year and it is bright and sunny."
"Putting baby in a playpen when your friend visits and said baby doesn’t scream."
"In the show Workin' Moms, there's an office meeting where people sit down, do the jokes and plot points, and then adjourn the meeting.
At no point do they talk about anything related to work. What was the meeting for?"
"When they are playing video games and just turn off the tv. Lol"
"Soldiers running towards the enemy instead of hanging back and setting up suppressing fire"