"My dad is the smartest person I (and anyone who knows him) know and once when we were kids he tried to make us laugh by sticking peas in his nostrils and ended up accidentally snorting them up into his nasal passages. Best part: he’s an ear, nose, and throat surgeon. One of the best in the region I can still hear him pleading with my mother to take them out because he couldn’t face his colleagues with peas up his nose that he voluntarily put there."
"Brother in law is a pretty clever guy. Ran a bath for his kid, couldn't get the tap to turn off, mad panic, rang a plumber friend asking him to come round quick or the house is gonna flood. Friend was like, you could just pull the plug?
Real nice, real clever guy. Zero common sense"
"I was picking up my date (future wife) when her valedictorian roommate turned quickly away from the TV and said in all seriousness “don’t look, they’re welding! It will damage your eyes”. She got more serious as I continued to look back and forth at the tv and her. She actually yelled “it’s going to blind you!” I then asked her “So when your tv is showing an image of the sun…”. That’s as far as I got. You could see the wave of embarrassment wash over her face, she immediately started laugh/crying and begged me not to tell anyone."
"My friend has a master's degree in mechanical engineering and robotics. He once made a potato salad with raw potatoes because he thought, since it's a salad, you're not supposed to cook it."
"My sister. My wonderful sister. So intelligent, educated… but dang. They had their house inspected and the inspector found an issue with their gas heat. Called in a repairman and it turns out the were having lower levels of carbon monoxide leaking into their home. When my mom asked her why she didn’t have several working detectors she answered “well I did, but one just wouldn’t quit beeping”. This was 10 years ago and we still bring it up all the time. Thankfully everyone turned out to be ok, but that wouldn’t have been the case much longer."
"My brother was in uni in the UK And needed a toaster. He ordered on off of Amazon for £3 and was surprised to find one so cheap. Turns out it was a kids toy, it came with plastic pieces of bread as well."
"While applying for a job, he thought “sick pay” meant that the job paid really well"
"My one college professor had a double doctorate, several masters, and was literally was the head of the national magazine for his field and had a lot of respect in the science community. He didn't know electric eels were real. Like he argued with us."
"My brother has PhDs in bioengineering. We were on a call one day and he was saying "i can't find my phone. Probably my kids took it." Didn't realize until i told him that he was using his phone to talk to me."
"My aunt. College professor. PhD in mathematics. Was blown away when watching my father cook rice without a rice cooker."
"My friend M is really good at math. She literally minored in it for fun.
One day, we were walking along, and she said "guys, I saw something on Facebook this morning - we're only 81 years from the year 3000." (This was in 2019.)
I thought she was making fun of the silly Facebook people. Then she said "isn't that crazy?" And then I realized that my friend who enjoyed calculus... Genuinely thought that 2019+81=3000. I had to break it to her gently. I will never let her live it down."
"My husband. He’s a mathematician for the Feds, but he has repeatedly gotten us to the wrong airport in cities that have more than one. Like at least three times. He’s brilliant, but a moron."
"My colleague was tasked to put mail into the mailbox.
She asked me where it is and what it looks like.
"Around the corner, and it's a red box"
Turns out, there is another red box marked "GENERAL WASTE"
About 2m away, is the red box that spells out "AUSTRALIA POST"
She's been throwing away mail."
"I have a neighbor, he is by far the smartest person I know. A couple fourth of July’s ago he got a quarter stick of dynamite, and strapped it to an rc boat with a detonate button and a timer. He sent it out on the lake at night, flipped the switch and it didn’t go off. So he took it back into the house to fix it, but never turned the detonate button off. So when it was fixed the 7 second timer started going. It ended up going off in the house and blowing out all of the windows. Everyone was safe."
"They used their bare hand to check if the stove was still hot by pressing it directly on the burner, and they had two doctorates."
"I know a guy with a PhD who thought reindeer were fictional"
"My friend in college graduated Summa Cum Laude with a double major in Biology and Chemistry. She went on to medical school and became a physician in a hospital you’ve definitely heard of.
One day she put a fork in the microwave when heating up a bowl of green beans, and I had to explain to her why the microwave sounded like it was full of firecrackers."
"My brothers friend was highschool valedictorian. In college, he gathered up deer turds to play a practical joke on his roommate by putting said deer turds into a box of coco puffs cereal. 2 days later he forgets about the deer turds and goes to pour himself a bowl of coco puffs. Instead of nice, sugary cereal, he gets a spoonful of deer turds."
"I lived in Colorado Springs. My friend came into town and was booked into a hotel. I called and asked for the name or address of the hotel and he told me he did not know, but he could see the mountains from where he was. He narrowed his location down to a time zone."
"My dad. he had one of his ears pierced when he was in college. he went to a party wearing an earring. a girl started talking to him and decided to give him one of her earrings, but he didn't want to take his earring out, so he stabbed her earring through his unpierced earlobe. this man is now an engineer."
"I did my undergrad with a guy who got an almost perfect score on his MCAT but also ate a raw chicken breast because he thought it was a really bad hot pocket (he was sober)"
"Couldn't figure out how a shower curtain worked so she flooded my bathroom."
"My older brother was the highschool validictorian and decided to cut an apple with a large knife while holding it in his hand. He has a lovely scar from it."
"No joke, poured gasoline on a campfire."
"Swallowed an entire Jenga piece.
"Tried jumping over a pallet of boxes with their arms tied behind their back. Split lip open."
"I graduated with someone who got a perfect S A.T score, but managed to cut off two fingers in shop class while trying to make a birdhouse."