“Guess which one I accidentally put on my yogurt this morning!”
“Craving pizza but convinced myself to get groceries and make a healthy dinner instead. Why do I even try?”
“Making salad for dinner. Grabbed the oregano instead of the parsley. The parsley has a sprinkle cover…the oregano does not.”
“Running late this morning and ordered an Egg McMuffin. Got to work and opened this monstrosity.”
“Didn’t realize until halfway through eating, that these chocolates had legs and are ants.”
“That’s an AirPod down there…”
“Drove about 1 hour to get my dinner but this happened as soon as I got out of my car when I reached home.”
“Haven’t driven my car since I last got groceries. Found the missing milk under the seat, It rotted for several days.”
"Nothing like resealable bags."
“Oven shattered out of nowhere.”
“My birthday cake delivered!”
“We got sent some parts for an order and this is how many are usable vs how many are not.”
“30% Extra bottle & liquid, but not straw.”
“Just moved into our new home!”
“The view from my Hotel room at the beach resort.”
“Assholes put spike strips in the roads so you stop.. then they mug you.”
“Spent 35 hours building this LEGO set.”
“I was making some toast and heard a pop behind me.”
“Got a smart watch to get healthy only to get told I have heart problems.”
“I told my friend to stop rocking the boat… literally.”
“In ten seconds I’m going to discover the value of lifejackets and renter’s insurance.”
“Lost my phone at a construction site today. Found it a little later.”
“In the past seven days, I’ve gotten 2 nails in the same tire- after an exhausting day at work / repairing my tire, Wendy’s fucked up my baconator (they gave me a CHICKEN SANDWICH). I finally got home and hung my dress pants up and tried to relax… Then… My closet failed.”
“Someone at USPS tried to fold my package with a rare record inside it, $100 gone and now one less of them in the world.”
“My keys decided I’m not going anywhere today.”
“Red Robin has pizza now, but when you customize the order it defaults to no cheese and no sauce. I didn’t notice it until I got home from curbside pickup.”
“A floating cafe near where I live just sank.”
“Arizona problems: left my credit card in my car and it melted.”
“Started my internship today. Squatted down to get my phone and my pants ripped…”
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And you put it on yogurt??
Are you insane???