"The kids learned a couple of new words today."
"The first time I ordered shoes online"
"Instead of rinsing his cup between drinks, my boyfriend will just refill it with whatever since it “mixes in his stomach anyway."
"My fridge has an egg case for only 9 eggs."
"My disappointment is immeasurable."
"Ordered 27 books from Amazon on a single order. Got 27 boxes with 1 book each, all delivered like this."
"My wife sits and eats all the marshmallows out of the Lucky Charms and puts the barren cereal back in the pantry."
"Just bought a new charging cable for my wife because the old one was flayed."
"This is what the knives at my girlfriend’s house look like. This is a crime."
"The roommate throws away dishes so he won’t have to do them (I bought all our dishes and silverware)."
"Got excited from far away about the motel having a swimming pool…"
"The crucial fourth ice cream bowl was lost at some point, forever altering the vibe."
"The way that my mom eats avocados"
"I’m doing renovations and my Roomba found a tiny piece of sheetrock."
"Woke up and saw my door was removed by my parents. I asked them why, and they replied, ’Privacy isn’t necessary.’"
"I thought I bought sour Skittles…"
"The way my husband puts all of the stickers from the fruit he eats on a single piece of fruit"
"Looks like I won’t be listening to my new vinyl record. Thanks, USPS."
"Thought I had separated 50 eggs without breaking a yolk — until I noticed one on the edge."
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You know...the world could do with less @$$holes... just sayin...