"This Kid At Lowes"
"Wife’s Friend Was Convinced There Was Ghost Baby In Her Daughter’s Crib. Turns Out Dad Forgot To Remove The Mattress Sticker."
"My Son Said He Was Hot And Wanted Ice Cream. This Is Not What I Expected"
"There Was A Friggin Gecko Hiding In My Son's Toy Spider"
"What My Aunt Encountered When She Went To Pour Herself A Whiskey On The Rocks"
"My Nephew Wanted A Portrait Of George Washington. Thank Goodness He Didn’t Want A Portrait Of Ben Franklin"
"Identically Unperturbed By What They Did To Themselves With The Clippers At 5AM"
"My Kid Got Her Fingers Stuck In A Bench At School And The Bench Rode With Her To The ER. Yes, She Is Alright. Yes, We Kept The Bench Seat"
"Just Watched A Kid In My Apartment Lobby Get Excited About Seeing His Dad Outside, Run Face-First Into The Glass Panel, And Crack It"
"Something You Can't Put On The Fridge"
"While The World Is Fighting Over Toilet Paper, My Toddler Is Giving Ours A Bath"
"I Complimented My Wife On The Design On The Back Of Her Dress Not Realizing It Was Our Son's Puke"
"Kid Hung Up The Wet Wipes To Allow Them To Dry"
"Thanks, Nickelodeon Slime"
"Wrangled All The Seats Put Of The Minivan, Got 30 Seconds Into My Vacuuming When Suddenly It Shuts Off And A Kid Starts Crying. Kid Was Fine"
"Drove 45 Mins To The Store Thinking I Had My Mask In My Pocket. It Was A Baby Sock"
"Accidentally Spilled Coffee Grounds On The Floor... And All Over My Child"
"I Had To Pay $39.35 To Hold My Baby After He Was Born"
"Had A Sneezing Attack (Not Sick) And My Daughter Made Me A “Potion” To Feel Better"
"My Toddler Squeezed A Bottle Of Powdered Creamer Until It Exploded In Her Face… Now Creamer Is Continuously Draining Out Of Her Nose"
"Where In The Dad Manual Did It Mention How To Stop A 3-Year-Old From Taking Bites Out Of Dry Wall?"
"My Five-Year-Old Daughter Cut Holes In Her Socks Just In Case Her Feet Get Hot"
"My Toddler And I Walked To The Park... Just To Find That The Whole Playground Has Been Removed"
"My 14-Year-Old Daughter Decided To Stir The Smoothie With A Metal Spoon. While The Blender Was Still Blending"
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