“I got ’I don’t know’ in Chinese tattooed on my arm to confuse people who ask what my tattoo means.”
“Never thought it’d happen to me. 6-hour flight, touched me 3 times.”
"This cat has to diet, but he didn’t choose the snack life. The snack life chose him."
“My son parked his truck in the wrong neighborhood. He learned an expensive lesson today.”
“My best friend’s ‘Not Engagment’ announcements I just got in the mail.”
“Student handed this in today.”
“Every single grape in the bag has seeds.”
“Welp...there goes her new bed.”
“My sister’s boyfriend thought a rock, from his backyard, was a good Christmas gift for her...”
“Finally got my license, it came expired!”
“My brother got this pizza in Rome, Italy”
“My popcorn got stuck, so I tried buying the chip bags on the top to knock it all down and got this.”
“The space my wife gives me to sleep on our queen size bed”
“Finally made a good lattice crust then I went and knocked my cactus onto it.”
“The way this banner fell.”
“Instead of cleaning up the sugar he spilled, my boyfriend decides this is perfectly reasonable instead.”
“My sister was about two weeks old when I realized that we were keeping her and I was no longer an only child.”
“So we had pizza and tears for dinner. So much for that Shepherd’s pie.”
“I sure loved my kitty when I was a child.”
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True. In Rome a customer would be an emperor.
"accidently" spill my cold drink over their feet. Much more subtle, yet annoying.