“Let me know when you’re done in the bath, I’ll use that water for the pasta”

"Aunt Bessie’s next lockdown project is to knit a conservatory."

"As the foliage grew in strength and numbers, the cushions made plans to reclaim the ground floor on behalf of all the soft furnishings."

"Deleted scene from Clash of the Titans where the Minotaur emerges from the bathroom to ask if that was the last of the toilet paper."

“It’s that time of the evening again, just talk amongst yourselves“

“It’s important for kids to have their own space, and that cavity wall was going to waste anyway”

"It would be possible to blame Accidental Selfie Syndrome were it not for the room-by-room costume changes."

"If the 1870s had happened in the 1980s."

“You’re welcome, honey. I also got the Tom Selleck bath towels”

"Local man admits running illegal workshop making nightmares and panic attacks."

"Wishing you all a deeply disappointing and poorly furnished Christmas."

"By combining random elements of a livingroom, a utility room, a hallway, and a staircase, mankind finally created the Livingway Stairtility Room."

"The painting in the hall is of Arthur’s most recent colonoscopy."

"Bob’s ability to empty a room was renowned across the children’s entertainment industry."

"Keeping Up with the Trumps didn’t make it past the pilot episode."

"The guest bedroom allows direct access to your troubled childhood."

"Misery is having to read someone else’s definition of happiness while trying to unblock a U-bend"

"Interior design influencers are already predicting a strong year for images of dogs printed on a towel hung over the only window in a wooden room."

"Next time you have prunes before bed, we swap sides."

"The perfect beachside property in which to relive the Allied Normandy Landings of 1944."

"Microwaves are widely regarded as the most needy of the kitchen appliances."

"Don’t bugs the let bite bed."

"According to the Curse of Amenhotep, he who discovers this tomb must commit to some minor rennovations before putting it back on the market."

"Check for flakes and residue before making your toilet brush the focal point of the diningroom."

"Don’t be fooled by the bunting."

"This is Feng Shui for “we haven’t had a visitor since 2007″."

"The years of practise paying off for Jeff here, as he executes a flawless accidental selfie from a different room."

"Stan began to wonder how often the other chairs had been meeting like this without him."

"On the 5th day, God gave his preliminary sketches to the couple next door as an apology for all the noise."

"Zach’s new garden saved him a fortune in hay fever medicine."

"Hands up if you absolutely refuse to be hurried when you’re on the toilet."