’’’Forget about the arctic cold and surf the lake,’ they said. ’It’ll be fun,’ they said.’’
’’Sorry class, my dog ate everyone’s homework.’’
’’In-laws invited us over for dinner; it was a trap.’’
’’’Bake bread,’ they said. ’An overnight rise will taste so good,’ they said. ’Put it in the fridge,’ they said.’’
’’Found on my way home — someone’s day got a little bit worse this evening.’’
"There’s nothing worse than ruined dinner plans."
’’So the cake box lid isn’t rainproof after all...’’
’’Ordered a new phone...box arrived completely empty.’’
’’My toddler and I walked to the park...just to find that the whole playground has been removed.’’
’’Literally bought this lamp last night (thankfully it was only $30), and this happened in the morning.’’
’’I asked to have it edged up so my bangs would be straight. Proceeded to cut all my bangs off and my entire widow’s peak.’’
’’Someone managed to lose their new box of...lost-item trackers.’’
’’Some random guy walked up and smashed my window with his skateboard.’’
’’Got up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, and when I opened the fridge, the door fell off in my hand.’’
’’My...toothbrush...’’
’’Guess which one I accidentally put on my yogurt this morning?’’
’’The wife bought a new plant pot and put it on the shelf over the toilet. An hour later, we heard a crash.’’
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I dunno. Worked pretty well in MacArthur Park.
'Cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again
Oh no!