"I pretended to feed his hippo stuffed animal jelly beans."
"School was over. That was completely unacceptable. 4yo straight up starfishes himself on the path where the entire school had to step over/around him screaming about how he doesn’t want to go home. It made me look like the best parent in the world."
"Us failing to believe someone else ( his brother) sh#t in the pants he was wearing."
"He dropped his booger in the driveway and couldn’t find it."
"He wanted to recreate Chernobyl for the science fair."
"He didn’t want long food. No food that was a long shape whatsoever. It was an interesting phase."
"A full on screaming temper tantrum because he didn’t want to go to McDonald’s with us. It was STUPID we’re not going to STUPID MCDONALDS!!! Then as soon as we finished going through the drive thru, through tears he asked for his chicken nuggets and contentedly ate his happy meal soon after. Toddlers are weird man."
"My nephew told me that 7/11 is called that because it’s open seven hours a day, eleven days a week. I told him that there aren’t 11 days in the week and he lost his little mind.
Don’t correct a toddler if it doesn’t matter in the long run."
"Because his brother ate his imaginary apple he was holding."
"She found out dragons were not real."
"My daughter got mad because I cut her sandwich into triangles instead of rectangles. She threw it at the wall, pointed at Santa, and screamed, “PUT ME ON THE NAUGHTY LIST!”"
"For several years, my son would flip out if we forced him to wear pants instead of shorts. Doesn’t matter if it was 15 degrees outside."
"She asked me to take a bath and then cried because I put her in the bath."
"I wouldn’t buy him a combine harvester, an axe or a cow. All full sized real things. Not toys"
"I cut her waffle into squares instead of rectangles. RIP my Saturday morning."
"At about age 2, he was trying to get out of his bed, put his hand on the wall, then put his other hand over it, and tried to remove his first hand. The weight/push force of his second hand kept his first hand pinned to the wall. He started screaming in terror, pushing back with all his might… on top of his first hand. I had to grab his second hand, then yank his first hand free.
He was inconsolable for a while."
"My son cried himself to sleep in the car one time, because he DIDNT forget his toy hammer at home."
"He saw that scene from Spongebob where Patrick was upset because he couldn’t see his own forehead. My son saw it, realized he couldn’t see his own forehead, then had a meltdown."