"That you know you’re the Pet’s favorite person"
"Where I hide the secret, spare pair of scissors I keep for when he’s lost all the other 11 pairs of scissors we own and I need to trim a chip bag down to make getting to the chips easier"
"The location of your ships while playing Battleship"
"Your psychologist/therapy sessions. I had an ex that used to demand I tell him what I talked about in my sessions and it was super uncomfortable."
"Sometimes, no matter how attractive your partner is to you and no matter how much you love them, there is an aspect to them that is unchangeable but that you find gross or annoying or just generally less than attractive. Clogged nose pores, a laugh that sounds like a muppet, big toe nails that just look a little bit weird, or that single long hair growing from inside their ear that just keeps coming back no matter what they do. If it’s going to make them feel insecure or unloved, this is something you should just keep to yourself."
"The unkind sh#t you think when you’re angry and tired, it will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don’t have a particularly big fight or break up over it you’ll still regret it and they’ll still remember. Possibly also what you think about how hot other people are, depending on how jealous/insecure your SO is"
"My dad has mentioned a few times that in their 40+ years of marriage, he’s never gone in her top dresser drawer or purse"
"My midnight snack stash. I don’t have any, but I think I should have some"
"That I know you keep a secret stash of chocolate in the tampax box. Not my business"
"Your runescape password according to the runescape stronghold"
"It’s not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both persons in a relationship should have privacy in their devices"
"If she poops on the table while birthing your child… no she f@#king didn’t"
"The huge penis of your ex-boyfriend and how much more satisfying it is to have someone with a “normal” one. Trust me. I know it’s not logical but no dude wants to hear that. Don’t question it just trust me"
"Even though my wife and I have been happily married for 6 years, we decided we would never go for a shit while the other is in the shower. We’re just not going there"
"My wife is sensitive about animals, so anytime I see/read some sort of tragedy related to an animal, I hide it from her"
"Where your secret stash of band aids is.
I dunno about the rest of you, but my wife and kids will go through an industrial size case o band aids faster than you can say supercalifragilisticexpealidocious and the twice a year I actually need one they’re never there"
"I do 12 step stuff, and I won’t tell her what I hear in the rooms"
"How many Lego death stars I have bought"
"The number of packets of crisps I eat in a evening, if I don’t know the answer she shouldn’t either"
"Whether or not i like my butthole licked. Its not something you should share with my mom when you’re losing a game of UNO, MOLLY"