“My wife often says that I’m so bad in the kitchen that I can’t even reheat a bowl of soup. It seems she was right all along.”
"Don’t have a garbage bin? Improvise, adapt, and overcome."
"They learned their lesson about following spray tan instructions."
“So my friend Roxanne went to a café...”
“I see your tan lines and raise you mine.”
“My cat doesn’t lick/clean himself as much as he is supposed to, which caused him to get extremely knotted.”
“Told my girlfriend to pick me up the manliest-looking loofa she could find at the store. She got me this.”
“He scared me every time I went to put the bins out for a solid week.”
“I went to a cat café for Christmas. Most of them were cute.”
“Trimming my dog on my own isn’t as easy as it seems.”
“My roommates said they left me a slice.”
“My friend bought chicken nuggets and got one with a piece of cardboard with writing on it.”
“Stayed at a classy hotel. Saw this.”
“And the job went to the lowest bidder...”
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#12 Isn't that a black microwave oven?
I would have gone with black and silver.
Ever had microwaved pizza ?