“I work for a department that does tolls by mail. A robot may take your picture, but a live human ends up processing it. We can see inside your car, and we can see you giving road head … even in the dark tunnels.”
“The pole spins.”
“I’m a professional blog writer. The reason that recipe bloggers are so inclined to tell you their boring life stories isn’t because they think you like it. It’s because when blogs hit over a certain word count, they show up higher in Google results.”
“When your Nan or pop passes away in a nursing home, often they’re still in their bed for over 12 hours before the funeral home picks them up. We just quietly close the door and continue our shifts.”
“Being a maintenance man I have found there are more disgusting, gross homes than super nice clean ones. Don’t feel bad about your clutter!”
“Court reporters don’t capture a completely, 100% accurate record during trials or legal proceedings. They have to go through after the fact and listen to audio recording from the proceeding and fill in dropped words, misspellings, untranslated words, and sometimes punctuation, which is called scoping.”
“As a teacher in one of the sh#ttier states that has a poor Department of Education, the amount of students being pushed to graduate that just hasn’t learned anything is dangerously high.
I don’t mean not learning geometry or not having any AP classes, I’m talking about not being able to read or write.”
“I am a therapist. We do deeply care about our clients. Although I hardly ever ‘Bring my work home,’ I do sometimes experience random moments where I genuinely wonder about clients that I am seeing at that time (I hope their exam went well, I hope they did in fact set that boundary we talked about, I hope they are ok today). Goodbyes make us feel so proud of our clients and can be quite emotional for us too.”
“I work at Starbucks and for some reason, a lot of people are under the assumption we use individual things of creamers. Like ‘4 sugar and 3 creamers.’ We use half/half and just say you want it light or extra if not the normal amount.
Also just a pet peeve, but can y’all please start your order with your drink size (You can say small, medium, and large; we don’t force you to use our sizes)? It makes it so much easier, and it gets so annoying to say ‘What size?’ every 5 seconds.”
“I’ll share a few different facts from my experiences:
Most fast-food is kept around much longer than it is supposed to be. Bacon from the previous night will be reheated and used the following day. Anything that’s heated and not a burger or fried good is microwaved. Grills and fryers aren’t cleaned as well as they should be.
If you want to check quality on furniture, look underneath. Most places won’t clean the underneath of their furniture. If there’s a lot of excess glue or chipped/scratched/dented parts the manufacturer cares about quantity over quality. Good quality furniture will last forever.
Bulletproof helmets have very little QC done to them other than ensuring they will stop a bullet and even then it CAN be hit or miss depending on the thickness and quality of the material used to create the helmet. Some helmets were born from styles that were created for a contract that was terminated before completion, i.e. we have 1,000 helmets that the customer no longer wants, what should we do? Shape ’em a lil’ differently and call them a new type of helmet.”
“Opera singers don’t use microphones.”
“Not everyone that works at a library is a librarian.”
“Chef here. The reason you love our food is salt and butter … and a lot of it.”
“In news writing, if we like you we don’t quote you exactly. If we don’t like you, best believe you’re getting a ‘sic’.”
“Visual effects artist here.
No one in movies and TV looks as beautiful as you think. I perform digital plastic surgery all the time. Less wrinkles. No pimples. Thinner thighs. Thinner waist. ALL on video not just stills.”
People get seen by severity, not the order they came in the door … Also, just because you came in by ambulance doesn’t mean you immediately bypass the waiting room.”
“Laser printers basically shoot lasers at a rolled-up Polaroid, magnetize tiny bits of chopped up crayons onto a belt in that pattern, blow it all onto a sheet of paper with electricity at an opposite voltage, and then melt it at a temperature hot enough to bake a chicken for a fraction of a second before handing the results to you.
This is a generalization, of course, but the fact that printers work at all is pretty much witchcraft.”
“Anesthetics – We only ask about your illicit drug use so we don’t kill you when we give you a general anesthetic and that you have appropriate pain relief.
You’ll have a tolerance that we need to counter by giving you a variety of drugs and more of them.
No judgement from us on your choices – just want to actually take care of your properly.”
“I work in IT support. Legit about 80% of all problems are solved by rebooting the computer/terminal/phone.
If not, 20 percent is pure detective work.”
“Produce manager of 33 years.
Wash your produce. Wash everything. Those blueberries you were just picking out of the container and eating were probably all over some warehouse floor at some point.
Porous fruits like strawberries soak up pesticides like water, whereas buying an organic apple probably isn’t worth the money.
Potatoes and apples are stored in climate-controlled warehouses for up to a year at a time.
Most of the produce you eat is coated in shellac which is made out of bug secretions. Yum.
It’s really difficult to get food at all right now with the state of the world. Be grateful you can even get that avocado even with its inflated price.”
“I work at a prison. The food we receive says, ‘Only For Inmate Consumption.'”
“I was a licensed cremationist for 8 years. Regardless of how hard we tried, that wasn’t just grandma or grandpa in the urn …”
“I’m a massage therapist. I don’t care if you didn’t shave. But please wash your feet.”
“The sauce is essentially thousand island dressing.”