“Squirrel came out of my toilet.”
“I went to a new barber and asked for my part to be cut in. She mowed a 1/2” strip out of my head."
“My girlfriend told me she has never cooked fish before. I didn’t expect scrambled haddock.”
“This groundhog taunting my dad by sitting on his trap”
“This local parking lot ’attendant’”
“Wash hands, receive spaghetti.”
“I ordered a cannoli to go and drove home, then opened the box to this.”
“I don’t know what I find more upsetting — the lopsided notebook or the lack of alignment on the dots of the die.”
“Just ordered these online and this is how they shipped.”
“I forgot about my potatoes in the pantry for 6 months.”
“Husband’s turn to cook. He says we are out of breadcrumbs. I say, ’You can use crackers as a substitute.’”
“My zinger came with a free popcorn chicken expiry tag.”
“Hummingbird family made a nest in a pair of hanging pool goggles.”
“My fingers can touch the back of my hand.”
“We demolished the walls of our home. We found out that our bathroom was inside this old Ford Transit. We had no idea.”
“I had a frisbee accident and my eye was imprinted into my glasses.”
“My phone takes a picture when someone enters the wrong knock code. Woke up to this.”
“I bought an ice bag from my grocery store and this came with it.”
“Put my hair up to get it out of his way. He found a chill spot.”
“A friend of mine had something accidentally hit his eye a couple of years back. It left an interesting mark.”
“I had a slithery little surprise while driving.”
“Found an intact metal circle with no visible break/weld lying around a tree that’s been growing for at least 50 years in the middle of nowhere.”
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Aren't you getting tired from all those 'haha young people want to get payed for their jobs what a bunch of losers' jokes? Isn't there anything else you can think of? Like, actually funny jokes?