“How my boyfriend wears his socks. They didn’t roll down on their own, he intentionally does this.”
“Ordered some gummy bears in the mail and this is what I got. Wondering if I should still try to eat it or not.”
“My wife doesn’t like the way I eat chips.”
“My girlfriend found a USB stick in her kebab.”
“Every day, without fail, someone walks by and tips over the fresh water bowl we put out for dogs on our street.”
“I put up a fence to keep my thieving and incredibly nosy neighbor out. He then puts up a camera so that he can look in.”
“I don’t think ’green vehicles’ is referring to the color green.”
“Seeing this after my mother insisted on doing the dishes.”
“This watermelon I bought.”
“My dog ate my bed.”
“Mom took my monitor.”
“On my flight. Can you like not?”
“It came like this.”
“Was taking the escalator when it decided to take me instead.”
“My wife only takes a few bites of an apple and ’saves the rest for later.’”
“$3 pasta salad I ordered from a famous chef’s restaurant.”
“Somebody put a tortilla on my hood. It baked on there due to the high heat yesterday. Now I have to clean it off when I get off work.”
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