“Walmart shipped me my new cooler with some sort of security device attached to it.”
“Bit into a toenail in my Chipotle burrito”
“Just unboxed the “brand new” memory foam mattress I picked up from Walmart this morning.”
“My socks were not quite as advertised.”
“I was drilling drainage holes into a thin plastic flower pot…”
“This Bailey’s came in a gift basket I won at work a few months ago and I was going to enjoy it by the fire tonight. The first sip was chunky. It expired in 2014.”
“Went to Costco to grab a rotisserie chicken for the weekend, but this lady beat everyone to it.”
“PSA don’t keep your tire lock key in your glove box.”
“Spent the last of my money on some cheap eats, and my hot pockets were empty.”
“My grandparent’s house burned less than a week after they paid it off. They lived there for over 40 years. My gpop built this entire addition and had recently covered the whole interior with weathered barn wood. Also contained many 50-year-old plants my gmom had received from her mother.”
“My entire room flooded along with my vr headset and Nintendo switch.”
“My daughter just said “Here Papa” and put these in my pocket. I have no idea which piece of cheap furniture is now dangerously unstable.”
“Wanted to cook a nice meal for my grandma since she doesn’t have a lot of time left. I didn’t realize she used her oven as a fucking pantry! I usually pre-check ovens, too.”
“Paint spray gun decided it wanted to blow up on me 1st thing in the morning.”
“I just wanted to clean the window.”
“Just ordered a pepperoni pizza…”
“My dad spent all summer growing this watermelon only for it to be just rind and seeds.”
“I was going to surprise my kids with a bag of churros.”
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Most of these people are idiots.
#1
If the sun shining through a window caused that, would thousands of houses not burn down every hot sunny day?
#3
If a pot fell through a toilet, why is the dirt and floor dry?
#50 Did you happen to word it “Can I order one pepperoni pizza please?”
Sucks tho, other than that it looks like a dang good pie! Dibs on those two slices!!
bonus if you're a girl