“I’m the only person in my entire office of 30 people who dressed up today and I’m in a full body banana suit.”
“My children are animals.”
“My brother ripped off the handle by accident. This should be fun.”
“My daughter drew me a picture. Yes, that is a house fire. And yes, those are human souls floating above.”
“Apparently this is how a 5-year-old opens a new loaf of bread.”
“I was starting a fire and heard my youngest saying he was stuck. This is how I found him.”
“I had to take a shirt to my son’s (kindergarten) school.”
“The girl he sat next to on the bus brought homemade ’slime’ and the container opened. It’s also picture day.”
“Fingertips were stomped on by a 3-year-old.”
“A letter I apparently wrote to my mother in kindergarten: ’IT IS NOT PEE.’”
The letter says:
"Dir (Dear) Mom my bed is wet but it is not pee.
For Mom from Megan"
“Yesterday we couldn’t find my brother’s phone, and today we found it.”
“Found this in the game room, compliments of my 5-year-old.”
“We cleaned out our daughter’s room today and found a tin full of dice.”
“All of our games have their dice so I have no clue from who and when these were ’collected.’”
"Drunk driver went off the road, hit my car, drove through my shed, and killed my lawn mower. Than ran away."
"Package with my $200 headphones arrived ripped open and empty"
"Uber eats delivery guy literally pulled my pizza out of his backpack."
"Someone unwrapped my Christmas Present :("
"Our plane's windshield decided to call it quits at 30,000ft and had to make an emergency landing"
"My heater stopped working when it was -40 degrees in the night."
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#19 kid probably thought they were bellsprout seeds and wanted to grow some pokemon.
It makes your cat adoptable.