"Your brain is able to know you forgot something, but rarely recalls what it is you actually forgot."
"We use salt to make food more salty, sugar to make food more sweet, sometimes lemon or lime to make it more sour, but we hardly ever try to make our food more bitter"
"We’re told to not use cotton swabs in our ears because it’ll just push the wax further, yet we don’t hear the same for earplugs."
"Learning to fart quietly is teaching your butt how to whisper."
"For all their negative traits, Pirates were the orginal equal opportunity employeers, hiring people of all races and even individuals with disabilities"
"People learn to tie their shoes one way and never change it their whole life."
"When they find a cure for cancer, smoking will become much more popular."
"Baby clothes have pockets but babies don’t need them"
"All the Kardashian babies will grow up to look nothing like their Mums"
"Water, lemons and sugar are free at restaurants but lemonade costs money."
"Hot peppers are eaten specifically because of the thing they evolved to avoid being eaten."
"The fact that we are still Rick Rolling people is evidence that we, indeed, are never gonna give it up"
"Whoever first observed the red-eyes camera flash effect must have thought the subject of the photo was possessed or something."
"We just take vacations to microdose on being rich"
"Somewhere in your family tree, at least one distant ancestor has murdered somebody."
"It must feel really weird to have testicles in space."
"Eight likes on your Instagram picture sounds awful but eight compliments in real life sounds fantastic."
"There are two types of air-fryer owners. Those who have one and never use it, and those who use it too often. There is no middle ground"
"The fairest machine in the casino is the change machine."
"There is no way to prove that everybody other than you is real"
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I'm 63 and sleep on my stomach.
I have after learning that with one small change they wouldn't untie anymore.