“I put up a fence to keep my thieving and incredibly nosy neighbor out. He then put up a camera so that he could look in.”
“Wanted to use the bathroom, might as well use a trashcan.”
“When only 4 seconds are left...never ever will try cooking eggs in the microwave.”
“Just tried to open up a new bottle of olive oil and...”
“I will never financially recover from this.”
“One of my adult kids left this in the fridge.”
“Dude spent the majority of a late night flight watching TV with speakers, full blast. Said he ’didn’t have headphones.’”
“My sister ordered a pizza for her boyfriend’s birthday, and this is how it arrived.”
“The sole of my boots were glued and not stitched to the upper.”
“Coming home from work hungry and using the wrong lid of the cayenne pepper.”
“My wife said I should try Spam.”
“It finally happened to me: scissors that need scissors to open them.”
“My parents have a bathroom with carpet that goes up the bathtub walls! Bonus points for the terrible wallpaper.”
’’She’s confused by what has happened to her whiskers.’’
“The water at my aunt’s work”
“I ordered one Brussels sprout instead of 1 kg!”
“How my pizza arrived”
“My toaster lets you pick 6 different levels of how toasted you want your bread to be (6 being the most toasted). This was what I got for level 2.”
“’When the stylist says, ’I’m having a tough time with your hairline!’”
“I spilled spaghetti in my shoe...”
“I bought these binoculars specifically to go to the Grand Canyon today.”
“This ’blueberry’ muffin I just ordered”
“My brother ’salted’ the driveway.”
“My wife just cut open the watermelon she grew in the garden this year.”
“My in-laws’ dog ate my glasses the first night I arrived for visit.”
“My wedding tux pants ripped 45 minutes before the ceremony.”
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I'll ask the question on everybody's mind, how did the food taste?
maybe I'll phase it as a blueberries muffin?
I would place a picture of my backside in its view.