"In relationships, sexual compatibility isn’t nearly as important as road trip compatibility."
"Even if we would have gotten a letter from Hogwarts, our parents would have never believed it was real and let us travel to London to run against a wall. We never had a chance."
"One silver lining of being poor is that your chances of dying in an avalanche are significantly lower."
"It will be quite complicated when you have to explain to the tax authorities that a genie granted you a wish for a billion dollars."
"2111 will be the first year since 1777 with no holes in any of its digits"
"As more and more young people are still living with their parents and not buying houses, the amount of car sex is steadily increasing."
"People act like Japanese adverts are weird but we are the really weird ones for having boring commercials"
"Our brains are hard-wired for survival, yet they have no issue with letting us daydream while driving a multi-ton death machine"
"Babies become wireless when they are born."
"We’re slowly growing up to become the adult we needed the most as kids."
"Eventually, all smokers will buy a lighter that won’t die on them."
"Your only goal in life is to create as much dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphin as possible."
"In a stadium containing 100k people, there’s about 50 metric tonnes of sh#t"
"Once millennials become senior citizens, there will be a lot of Nintendo 64 birthday parties"
"For some reason, every toaster has a bread setting that will absolutely roast whatever bread is in it."
"The majority of life is doing something you don’t want to do for X minutes so that you can do something you do want to do for X minutes"
"The older generation often hold the younger generation in contempt despite spawning and raising them. The younger generation often hold the older generation in contempt despite deriving most of their knowledge and values from them."
"In the future, looking back at Google Street View from 50 years ago will be a fascinating glimpse into the past."
"Humans are the only large mammals on earth that don’t have their population controlled by hunting"
"In the distant future, historian’s are going to struggle to know what’s real and what was AI generated"
"Socks and shoes are kind of like carpet and floor, just attached to your feet instead of the ground."
"The voice in your head is always the same volume"
"The Universe is a maximum security prison."
"At some point, the whole Universe was at perfect temperature to cook Pizza."
"Younger generations aren’t going to know the excitement of finding cash you forgot was in your clothing"
"A kiss is technically a headbutt, just not a violent one"
"Maybe plants are farming us, they give us oxygen and when we die we feed them"
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