"There are no signs saying you cannot Rollerblade through airport terminals."
"Being friendly, punctual, & answering emails at the speed of light can completely offset mediocre job performance"
"Albert Einstein changed the way we depict scientists and generally smart people"
"The Sorting Hat is a malicious bastard, placing kids in Houses based on character traits and sewing the seeds of tribal conflict within Hogwarts."
"Somewhere, someone is spending their last week with a full set of fingers."
"Make up sex rewards conflict"
"The first human to eat an oyster must’ve been starving."
"It must be really humiliating if Taylor Swift or Adele dump you, but don’t write a song about it."
"An identical twin who does porn is a recipe for disaster"
"It’s kind of messed up how water isn’t the solution to dry skin."
"It makes sense to wake up early on a day off to fully appreciate not getting up early to go to work."
"Saliva is the final ingredient of every single food."
"Never seen anyone claim to be a ‘shower’ and not a ‘grower’"
"Prisons put the most violent and hardened citizens crammed together and expect them to behave well"
"Tetherballs have slowly disappeared"