“Girlfriend accidentally ordered no fillings instead of extra fillings on Uber Eats.”
“My pants greet whoever unzips them.”
“I tried to make a frog out of icing.”
“My cat only has one eyebrow.”
“Bat crawling and flying around my hotel room at the Tropicana.”
“My left AirPod fell in the oven and I didn’t notice until it was well-baked 20 minutes afterward.”
“I’m not sure where this guy is headed, but I kinda want to follow him.”
“This metal knife broke when I used it to stir this natural peanut butter.”
“A 9-year-old asked why I dressed like a pencil today...”
“Was looking for a remote job”
“Brand new Pikachu replacing its 15 year old, sun bleached cousin.”
“Herbert the vacuum seems a little dramatic after sending me messages like, ’I’m stuck near the cliff.’”
“My grandma always leaves her panties to dry right on the hand drying rag.”
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