"Apple AirPods have free engraving so that someone is less likely to buy your used case."
"Texas has the reputation of the largest US state despite not being the largest US state"
"It’s not okay to eat food that’s been left out all night for breakfast, unless it’s pizza."
"Almost every mythical creature sighting in ancient times can be explained by the fact that visually impaired people didn’t have glasses back then"
"Trying to grab a grenade to throw it back is the ultimate double or nothing"
"People often forget that you can use spaces while creating password which are more secure than random gibberish"
"Clown is the only legitimate profession that’s also an insult."
"Liquor enthusiasts always list off non-consumable items when describing the taste of liquor."
"All the beautiful people on Instagram are nowhere to be seen in real life."
"Insurance is a lottery that everyone plays, but only the unlucky wins."
"We get raised as children to never swear, only to realise basically everyone swears as an adult"
"Somebody on earth is close to 100% compatible with you but the probability you’ll meet that person is close to 0%"
"There’s a tree out there that sprouted the same day you were born and has been growing with you"
"In a lot of ways, it’s more expensive to be poor."
"Comic Sans is the Nickelback of fonts. It’s not really that bad, it’s just popular to talk sh#t about it"