"When Campbell’s Soup murdered this snowman to free the small child trapped inside its icy exterior."
"When 7-Up told us where to shove it."
"When opera brought people together from all walks of life to scream-sing the phone number of JG Wentworth‘s financial service hotline: 877-CASH-NOW!"
"When Ben Stein’s monotone drone told us to use Clear Eyes to cure our eye aliments."
"When Education Connection dropped this banger."
"When Zoobooks looked so cool and colorful that you futilely begged your parents for a subscription."
"When the Fantanas made us want a Fanta."
"When Gushers had us wanting juicy jelly to turn our heads into berries."
"When this random kid kept trying to sell us a Dell."
"When claymation characters kind of scared us but also gave us a craving for Lipton Brisk Iced Tea."
"When Miss Cleo could see into our futures."
"When Muzzy taught us how to say this one French phrase but never told us what it meant."
"When this anti-marijuana PSA terrified us by deflating a human being."
"When this sorta smug owl only had the self-restraint for three licks of a Tootsie Pop before devouring it."
"When this guy sang about FreeCreditReport.com in different locations throughout the ages…"
"When we all memorized five-second clips of new-age songs from the Pure Moods compilation album."
"The Quiznos created a new species to sell subs."
"When these dudes blew the horn of Gondor to spread the word about Ricola cough drops through all the lands."
"When a deranged old man danced manically at Six Flags."