"Being naked while wearing shoes, somehow feels more naked than being naked."
"Maybe our primitive brains like the look of a mowed lawn because we can easily see there are no snakes hiding in the grass."
"People get impatient if you follow most road laws to a T."
"Some men find out how unattractive they are when they start to use dating apps."
"Your food doesn’t actually go bad, it’s just other organisms like fungi decide to eat it before you do."
"People often talk about high and low IQs but in reality most of us don’t know our own IQ."
"People don’t get thrown into pools as much as they used to out respect for knowing what it’s like not having a cell phone."
"Many college students have a net worth less than the pencil they are holding."
"Scrooge McDuck is losing money due to inflation for keeping his money in a vault."
"Writers can make a character smart or kind without being being smart or kind themselves, but they cannot make a character funny without actually being funny."
"The idea of cars must be such mindf@#k from an animal’s perspective."
"Drain unclogger is the only product whose entire purpose is to be purchased then poured directly down the drain."
"When you get older, you can’t make ‘your mom jokes’ anymore. Everyone’s mom is dead or infirmed."
"A Boston cream pie sounds more like a disgusting sex act than a kind of pastry."
"Almost everyone just agreed to use the same type of knot for shoelaces, even though its arbitrary and there are better knots to use."