"Had this rude girl at work a few years back, who thought she was so hot and perfect and.. well you know the type. Anyway, one day I got sick of her attitude and said, “ Kendra, what’s it like being like the third hottest girl here?”
Drove her mad."
"Five years ago, I met up with a friend. I asked her how my eyebrows were (I had just waxed them and done them nicely). Her response: “I like the left one.”
Still remember that."
"Couldn’t say it better than Ron Swanson “When people get a little too chummy with me I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know I don’t really care about them.”"
"I’m close to my sister and her friends. I’ve unironically heard, “I like how you’ll just wear anything” after they spent the past hour getting ready."
"Man, I wish I had your confidence."
"A kid once told me, “You look better with your glasses on. They hide your face.”"
“You look tired.”
"I’m 30, my 12 year old cousin said something like, “By the time I’m your age, you’re going to be deteriorating.”"
“Everyone was right about you.”
"Wow, is that your real laugh?"
"You’re difficult to underestimate."
“You’re not making the point you think you are.”
“You two look gorgeous” in the comments section of a social media post of a picture with 3 women in it.
"After knowing you all these years, I truly consider you an acquaintance."
"First of all, clean your teeth."
"My days of not respecting you certainly are coming to a middle."
"I just cooked dinner for my wife, she casually remarked after eating ‘shame the restaurant was closed today.’"
"I heard a kid say this before: “You know I bet you eat your cereal with water, ’cause your dad never came back with the milk.”"
"Wisdom has been chasing you but you have always been faster."
"Never underestimate the power of okay:
“You’re ugly” okay “You’re stupid” okay “You’ll never be cool” okay.
Stops them in their tracks and makes them look weird as hell for saying it in the first place."
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