“The secret to a happy marriage? Once a week you need to have some wine, get a little drunk, and give him a BJ.”
“Don’t have grandchildren, they’re @$$holes.”
“Condoms cost a buck a night. Child support lasts for 18 years.”
“Talk less and listen more.”
“Don’t climb a tree to lie when you can tell the truth standing on the ground”
“Only dipshits care about what happened in high school.”
“Does it make you happy? Are you hurting anyone? No? Then fuck em!”
“If someone pulls a knife on you, take off your shoe and put it on your hand to block attacks.”
“Life must be lived forward, but can only be understood backward.”
“Life is all about pu$$y and gunpowder. Live by one. Die by the other. Love the smell of both.”
“Don’t expect to always be perfect, but always try to get better.”
“If nobody died, it can always be fixed”.
“My great-grandfather always said, ‘Just do a little each day.’”
“Always be kind, because you never know what someone else is going through”
“Cook for her and make her laugh, her panties will be halfway down.”
“Get your colon checked at 40. It’s not so bad.”
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#2 How would you do that? Sterilize your kids? Kill them?
#7 Problem is to recognize something you do as hurting someone else. Very hard thing to do.
#16 Yes, that one time exactly at 40, then never again.