“Kids today will never face building up the nerve to call a girl only to have her parent answer.”
“Sisyphus would theoretically erode the tip of the mountain until it is flat enough to place the boulder on.”
“When watching a movie sitting between the laptop and the Wi-Fi router, the movie literally goes through me just to get converted into a format that can enter into me again through my eyes & ears.”
“Having only one testicle would give you the rare ability of knowing exactly which nut your offspring came from.”
“Ouija boards can only be used to communicate with spirits who are literate in a language that uses the Roman alphabet.”
“The law isn’t about what you can or cannot do. Just about the consequences tied to those choices.”
“Minigolf has more in common with pool than with golf.”
“Bicycles as a mode of transportation are typically powered nearly exclusively by assisted one-legged squats.”
“The story that Marilyn Manson had his ribs removed for autofellatio is a rare example of modern mythology.”
“The past is unpredictable. Each time we recall a memory, it is altered, and with multiple recalls, we may end up with a completely different version, creating an uncertain past.”
“The vast majority of pro athletes will play against the team they rooted for before they went pro.”
“Silence feels loud because we’re used to noise.”
“It is healthier to be in an elevator with a lot of farts than a lot of sneezing.”
“People with no/few teeth might be able to find work consulting on teething toys for babies.”
“Werewolf infestation can be stopped by everyone getting silver tattoos.”
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