"If 24-hour clocks started at 23:59 and counted down till 00:01, people might try getting more done."
"Bass and vase rhymes with each other, bass and bass does not, and occasionally so does vase and vase."
"Movie theaters aren’t in the movie business, they’re in the popcorn and concessions business."
"Even when a balloon is half inflated, it is completely full."
"Every minute of your day, you have to trust other people not to kill you."
"Teeth are the only problem that if you ignore them, they will go away."
"Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of your voice cracking in a verbal argument."
"Kids will never understand the poignant self-satisfaction of slamming a phone down on the cradle to hang up on someone and end an angry conversation."
"Once we have self-driving cars, wipers will no longer be essential, because the car doesn’t need a clean windshield to drive. Only humans do."
"There could be a viral video of you doing something random with millions of views, and you have no idea because you haven’t seen it."
"Someone out there vividly remembers something you said, which you have completely forgotten."
"Biscuits and gravy are weird because it’s like, ‘Here’s some really wet flour poured over some really dry flour."
"It won’t be long before people use ‘the ’20s, the ’30s, and the ’40s’ to describe the 2020s, the 2030s, and the 2040s."
"We advocate not judging a book by its cover, but also glorify ‘love at first sight."
"At some point in life, there was a stranger who got disappointed by how your voice sounded when you started talking."
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