“Started unbuttoning and unzipping my trousers while I walked towards the toilet, just like I do at home because I’m efficient like that. Except I was at work and was walking through the shared office.”
“I’m an ex-bus driver and many times on my way home from work, I would go to pull into a bus stop, in my car…”
“Saying goodbye to my aunt at her husbands funeral, and accidentally said “yeah it was fun”, when she said thanks for coming.”
“Go to check the mail, grab the keys, oh yeah! there is garbage/recycling that needs to go out, I stop at mailbox, I get mail, throw away the garbage, throw away the mail, throw away my keys…
Neighbor asks if I am going to need those, I just kind of stop, look around a bit and say “Well, yeah, probably”
“Put my phone under a faucet to fill up my water bottle.
I recognized my mistake.
And then I did it again”
“I was feeling an encroaching sickness coming upon me one time, so I decided to be proactive and make myself a couple of days’ worth of the most baller chicken soup I could manage in advance, so I’d be able to eat well even when I was dying of the lurgy.
I chopped the carrots, I sorted the onions, I stewed the chicken bones, and I cooked that motherfucker down for eight hours into the most delicious stock you could imagine.
Then I poured it all through a colander into the sink.”
“The pipe underneath my sink was broken so I put a bucket below it to catch the water leaking out. When it was full I poured it back in the sink…and proceeded to flood my kitchen.”
“I stepped on a cheeto and apologized to it.”
“have a good day sir.”
“Love you too.”
Awkward shuffle out of Panera.”
“Was taking my belt off at the TSA and then pulled down my pants, got to my ankles and was like, nope, back up!”
“I had recently been attending a lot of marital arts classes at night. One morning at work I accidentally bowed at my boss when I entered his office.
This was in the US, neither of us are of Asian descent, and yes he noticed. It was awkward.”
“Sometimes in the shower I fill my mouth up with water and just kind of let it pour out. Was brushing my teeth standing in the bathroom one day, fully dressed before work.
I just let the toothpaste pour slowly out of my mouth and onto my clothes as if I were in the shower… now every time I brush my teeth my boyfriend warns me not to spit all over myself.”
“I lived in the same house for 16 years. Moved out. Years later I did some summer work as a construction worker….on MY old house! First day I walked in, mindlessly did what I ALWAYS did when I came in , waltzed Into the kitchen during the family’s breakfast, opened the fridge and peered inside for a long while looking for something to eat.”
“Go to the cinema to watch Quantum of Solace. Walk in five minutes late. Furious car chase on screen.Instinctively try to find my seatbelt.”
“I was tired at the time, but sat down on the toilet thinking that the seat was up and just pissed all over the seat, floor and myself. Not a great thing to do ..or clean up at 3AM”
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