Many men need little reason to shed their clothing. A little sunshine and whoosh! However, they do not realize - in many cases - that their semi-nudity can sometimes engender not quite the emotions that they supposed. They may feel that it's worth it but here are a few ‘becauses' - together with photographic proof - that beg to differ.
Some things are so wrong that there is not need to give any sort of detailed explanation for the inadvertent gag reflex that just took place. No wonder that the more some women see men, the more they admire dogs. Sure, this picture was tongue in cheek, wasn't it? Please, tell us it was.
Jean Muir once said "Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house." How true. That beach bum you married twenty years ago took the ‘beach' out of his job description many years ago. One plain fact here, though, when you are a head hider, the wind will always find you.
They just have to itch. They can't help it; it is all to do with the hard-wiring, the hunter gatherer instincts, the male mentality and usually poor hygiene. They say that behind every successful man is a surprised woman but behind this guy was a photographer giggling like a mad thing. It has to be stated quite clearly here that men, speedos and wedgies are the E, the M and the C squared of the swimwear world. Buy a pair for your man at your own peril.
Because a Pair of Speedos a Go-Go Boy Doesn't Make
In their mind they look like a combination of Brad Pitt, Mickey Rourke, and Arnold Schwarzenegger. In reality they quite often are, but a slightly different combination than they imagine. Brad's acne scars, Arnold's social skills and Mickey's pot belly. But be sweet, ladies. You may not be disarmed by compliment, but men always are. Leave them to their fantasies, but tell them to put their clothes back on.
That maybe OK, though. Men like intelligent women. Opposites attract, after all. Men reading this may well be sucking their bellies in right now in horror at that statement, but think about it. How many times have you seen a smart man dating a stupid woman? That's right, many, many times. Now think about it a little harder. How often have you seen a smart woman dating a stupid guy? Drop that penny right now.
Why is it that men are allowed to be obsessed with politics but conversely they usually only let women be obsessed by men? Then when things get political and they decide to take their clothes off, do they let the ladies join in? Not in this case, it seems. Keep in mind, however, the words of Margaret Thatcher: "If you want something said, ask a man; if you want something done, ask a woman."
Because they Invariably do Gorilla Impressions - badly
It may occur to you that the average rugby player does not need to get his kit on in order to do a good impression of a mountain gorilla in search of Sigourney. However, men and women are more alike in some circumstances than you may give credit for. An example, when set alight, men and women are, after all, surprisingly similar.
Really, it isn't. Madonna, that well known devout catholic, recently up for a part in the new verion of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang once pondered the reason why god created man. She came to the conclusion that is was for the simple reason that vibrators can't mow the lawn. Another wise person once said that men can survive quite happily as long as they have batteries for the remote control, some beer and their boxer shorts. This guy's mantra is two out of three ain't bad.
All modern men, so Will Cuppy maintained, are descended from a single worm like creature. However, it shows more on some people. You know I know what you are thinking right now. Roseanne Barr once said, "A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego."
The nineteen eighties: the world was a mess but our hair was perfect. Most of the time. However, some fashions do not stand the test of time and that cute little period when it was OK to roll up their T-shirts and show off their bellies has long gone. Unfortunately, photographs tend to turn up - sometimes when you don't want them to. Fancy having this go up on your Facebook profile just as you go for that Presidency. Thought not.
At one point in time it seemed that men were split up in to the t-shirt tucking wimp or the muscle-flexing power-posing jock. The mustache, however, was a constant for both varieties of the species called man. However, you could say that any opportunity that a man does not take up when offered the opportunity is one that is potentially lost forever and that he could regret in the future. Perhaps this guy shouldn't regret this photo opp: after all, the best way to a man's heart is through his chest.
Not quite divesting clothes, but when certain organs are poked through them there is a guarantee that to some poor so and so an accident will happen. This ancient photograph is evidence that it was as true a hundred years ago as it is today. There is a strong message here which should encourage any male readers not to get their willy out in public in the future. Ladies, though, please try to forgive them their folly. To quote Robin Williams "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."