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Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Posted in Pictures   31 Aug 2009   / 7405 views

The official American government site posted guides in order to show people how they can be ready in case of biological, nuclear threats or different natural disasters. The funny thing is that the pictures in these guides are very ambiguous and can be interpreted differently without a proper explanation.
That is what the guys from safenow were trying to show us

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

2 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud.

3 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

4 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

5 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

6 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

To eliminate smallpox, wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand under a faucet with no sink.

7 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with scary eyes, run away now.

8 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

People, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol are all at risk of being sucked into the time-tunnel vortex.

9 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.

10 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

11 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.

12 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. The current world record is 5 minutes, 12 seconds.

13 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

14 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.

15 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.

16 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Your respiratory and digestive systems are optional. Cast them aside if you feel you no longer need them.

17 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

18 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead.

19 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Do not drive a station wagon if a utility pole is protruding from the hood.

20 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation.

21 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

No pyromaniacs admitted.

22 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come.

23 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

That closet door in your bedroom leads to the gates of Hell. Don't go there.

24 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.

25 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you see colors in the sky, grasp your throat and pretend to choke yourself. Girls go for that.

26 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If your intended destination is suddenly vaporized, consider pulling over and watching the cool light show.

27 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If the weather is overcast with dark skies, look for worms in the grass.

28 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

After all life is gone, modern appliances will continue to run forever. Think about it.

29 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Your telephone may be a practicing physician. Look for a phone with no numbers on it.

30 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

"Wash your hands" of traditional long distance telephone providers.

31 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' rave in the shelter.

32 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

In case of emergency, the parking brake may be used as an adult novelty item.

33 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

In time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! No wimpy fish or poultry, please.

34 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

There is a reason you failed chemistry.

35 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Watch out for people who come out of white tents and try to steal the shirt off your back.

36 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

If you are trapped with no hope of being found, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.

37 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Radioactive materials come in 4 convenient sizes:
- individual dose
- family value size
- neighborhood spray pump size
- supersize!

38 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

Satellite photos of Texas show the large embarrassing radioactive crop circle in Southeast Texas.

39 Be ready to whatever! (39 pics)

When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few examples of high value, low effort.


[via safenow]


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Tags: guides, disasters  

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Comments (12):

0
1.
H-K 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
I lol'd rofl
       
0
2.
karo 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
brilliant yahoo n_sm_19
       
0
3.
lol 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
xDDD
       
0
4.
rustriver 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Some are really quite lame and not funny at all, but a few are quite clever :0
       
0
5.
mazen 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Quite amazing!
       
0
6.
nat 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Lmfao.. People get too bored.
       
0
7.
Lola 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
great x)
       
0
8.
FWAT 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
HAHAHAHAHA!!
great!
       
0
9.
openeyed 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Ah, our tax dollars at work. Lotsa Lulz!
       
0
10.
severe_009 5 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
LOL n_tongue
Challenge breeds excellence...
       
0
11.
Ignoranceisblessing 4 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
Yes but U know what really funny is?

some people will fault for that
       
0
12.
dsfasdfasdfawefasedfweaaf 4 year s ago MARK AS SPAM
girl_cray2 girl_witch girl_devil fool sarcastic dash2 .... thats the impresion this gave me (in order)
       
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