They add “extra security measures” to your car
And they ravage your belongs for anything potentially incriminating
And they creep on your texts, hoping to find the words “sex” or “drugs”
When you drive, any tiny mistake leads to a 3 minute lecture about traffic safety.
But they don’t exactly help your cause.
As if trying to find romance wasn’t hard enough, they manage to make it impossible.
When you finally get a date to the dance, it looks like this:
But at least things get better when you’re older, right?
They are the reason you can never do anything “crazy” like go to social gatherings where a single member of the opposite sex is present.
You have to be home and in your jammies by 10 pm...on Saturday.
And if you are a minute late, they are patiently waiting...
...and you better believe punishment is coming
You were taught that every man over the age of 35 was a potential sexual predator.
And that sports are just opportunities for life threatening injuries.
You aren’t allowed to ride your bike without a state-of-the-art helmet strapped to your skull.
Even though you are on vacation, you have to be within 5 feet of an adult at all times.
And they manage to turn anything fun into a lecture on the dangers of “the real world.”
They freak out at the slightest injury, every cough and sneeze, and a single drop of blood.
You rarely get sick because no germ or dust particle escapes your mom’s wrath
The thought of sending you off to college alone is the scariest thought your mom ever had
So she tried to convince you to stay close by.
Because this is how she still sees you:
But in the end, you know it’s because they love you.
And deep down, you appreciate the hard work they’ve put in since the day you were born.
And besides, you turned out pretty well, right?
They are constantly paranoid that you are being picked on at school.
So you can’t help but love them back!
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