Pens and pencils.
So excited. I’ve just been taking notes with my eyeliner!!
Weightlifting gloves.
Like any woman would hit the squat rack WITHOUT sequins??
Beer.
You can ask your husband what his craft IPA tasted like later, at home.
Tools.
FINALLY. You weren’t going to risk not looking ~super cute~ while fixing the toilet flapper.
A globe.
Your daughter will understand Middle Eastern geopolitics a lot better now. Syria is carnation pink, while Iran is salmon!
Cheese.
Women are also allowed to eat mozzarella because it sort of rhymes with “Cinderella.”
Tape.
You could use regular scotch tape, but what if somebody saw??
Guitars.
It’s a wonder Joni Mitchell was able to write songs without one of these.
Trail mix
Sometimes all those pecans and pepitas have rough edges that can hurt my delicate lady mouth. But not anymore!
Computer cables.
Trying to work man cables is hard. But look, rhinestones!
Bread.
Just be sure not to use this bread to make your man’s sandwich, or he’ll get pregnant.
Earplugs.
I’ve been going deaf at rock shows. UNTIL NOW.
Hemorrhoid wipes.
Because even your buttcrack should smell like flowers.
Cake batter.
Your cake will now sneak through undetected in a combat zone. A Barbie combat zone.
Energy drink.
Two words, ladies: SHOPPING. STAMINA.
Dumbbells
I tried to use the normal dumbbells in the gym and they zapped me like I had just shuffled across some shag carpeting. That’s what you get for touching non-pink weights, fam.
Pepper spray.
I don’t know about you guys, but I would rather let someone mug me than be seen using non-pink mace.
Office supplies.
Add up your shopping budgets and tape pictures of kittens into your scrapbook with these lady-friendly office supplies!
Vegetables.
I spent years lusting after my boyfriend’s manly endives before Diva finally made these ones I can eat.
Laxative.
Women don’t get diarrhea. They GLOW.
Lighters.
Just be careful not to break a nail!!!!
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