Izismile.com » Funny

Very good replies to bad pick-up lines

Posted in Funny » Humor 20 Mar 2009   / 10926 views

Man: “Haven’t we met before?”
Woman : “Yes, I’m the receptionist at the VD Clinic.”

Man: “Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman : “Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.”

Man : “Is this seat empty?”
Woman : “Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.”

Man : “So, wanna go back to my place ?”
Woman : “Well, I don’t know. Will two people fit under a rock?”

Man : “Your place or mine?”
Woman : “Both. You go to yours and I’ll go to mine.”

Man : “I’d like to call you. What’s your number?”
Woman : “It’s in the phone book.”

Childhood: Then and Now

Posted in Funny » LOL 11 Mar 2009   / 3075 views

When I was a little kid, my parents pushed me out the front door every day.

“Come back when the streetlights come on,” they said.

Oftentimes, my 3 year old brother was sent out with me to tagalong. Of course, I considered this a great imposition. After all, at 5 I was way too old to hang out with babies. Still, I had to take care of him because that’s what older sisters are supposed to do.

Back then, we never dialed phones and set up 2 hour play dates. Instead, we’d simply knock on our friend’s doors and say, “Is so&so allowed to come out and play?”

Of course they were.

When we got a good group together, we’d play baseball or kickball in the street.

Yes, in the street.

When the cars rounded the corner, we’d scurry away as fast as we could. We’d use a whiffle ball instead of a real ball in order to prevent hurting anyone’s car. After that, we’d have a squirt gun war. No one checked the temperature on the Internet to make sure it was warm enough to get wet.

Fortunately, no one got sick or died.

Some days, we’d go exploring in the woods. Our minds full of fantastical stories of bad guys chasing us, we decided we must build a tree house. So we gathered up scrap pieces of old wood, rusty nails pulled out of rotting pieces of equipment, and a hammer someone nicked from their Father’s toolbox. Then we’d nail this crap to a tree. Once the rickety house was complete, we’d climb up in it, careful to hold on to the branches in case the floor gave out beneath us. Then, we’d muse to ourselves that we had not built it high enough.

We built ramps in parking lots and jumped them with every toy we had that sported wheels. Skateboards, bikes, roller skates. We didn’t have helmets or kneepads or elbow pads. It didn’t matter. Sometimes we’d fall and rub the skin completely off of our bodies. Nobody cared.

We’d eat berries and apples from strange trees. We’d ride our bikes 6 miles to the park, alone. And not just any park, either. We went to parks with monkey bars higher than our Dad’s heads and dangled our legs over cement. We sat in puddles full of oil and water and swam in water so dirty it might as well be called sewage. In the summertime, we’d go 6, 7, 8 hours at a time without laying eyes on our parents.

And we survived.

Hell, we didn’t just survive. We flourished.

Not a single one of us was overweight; we all had little muscles popping out here and there. We were brave, too. Little badasses. There was no way a perv was going to kidnap us. In fact, we kept little sticks we had sharpened on the sidewalk in our pockets, just in case. Homemade shanks. Sometimes we got lost or hurt, sure. But we knew the difference between a creepy adult you should steer clear of and a responsible adult you could ask for help.

And not one of us died. Not one.

Soviet Prices

Posted in Funny » LOL 11 Mar 2009   / 2798 views

In Soviet Russia dollar exchange rate was established by the state and was 1 dollar for 63 Russian copecks, or 1 American dollar for 0.63 Russian ruble.
What could the Foreigners coming to Russia afford? Here is the short review for the prices at that times in American dollars:


Small loaf - $0.11
Bread - $0.30
Cigarettes (Bulgarian, Eastern European) - $0.83
Cigarettes imported Marlboro - $2.50
Eggs (10 pieces) - $1.66
Ice-cream $0.25
Chocolate bar (0.22 pound) 100g - $1.33
Milk 1 liter (32 fl. oz) - $0.76
Cheese (2.2 pounds - 1kg) $3.66
Recycled glass bottle - $0.16
Salt (2.2 pounds pack) - $0.16
Potatos (2.2 pounds) 1 kilo - $0.41
Cucumbers (2.2 pounds) 1 kilo - $1.16

11 stupid questions from Yahoo answers

Posted in Funny » LOL 10 Mar 2009   / 8560 views

1. Is it ok to touch yourself when you hear your parents have sex? He continues:
"I know it may sound weird, but my parents are still pretty young and have very loud sex and sometimes late at night I can hear them and I cant help but touch myself. Is this bad or is it something other people have done too?"
Well, no. But he definitely came to the right place for logical, helpful, compassionate support. Like a user named Kendra who says:
"its not nasty, i remember when I was younger me and my bro would hide in the closet so we could see it".
And we're just getting started.

2. How turn computer monitor into mirror? This one is MADE in the guy's description of his question:
"Hi. Does anyone know if it's possible to use a background that would essentially turn my computer monitor into a mirror? Scanning a mirror doesn't work."
So as dumb as that is... yeah, I thought for two seconds about what would happen if I scanned a mirror.

3. Girlfriend aint had period since?
"ok im kinda worryed here since my g/f got pregnant and all she isnt been havein her period do u think the baby is drinkin the blood??? she 6 month pregnant"
I DO think the baby is drinking the blood! There is literally no other explanation. What you've got on your hands is a vampire baby. Your girlfriend has been having sex with a vampire. And I'm suspecting it's a biracial baby, either half-black (if she got it on with Blacula or Count Chocula) or half-purple (if she got it on with The Count).

The A to Z of chasing plus-sized chicks

Posted in Funny » Humor 10 Mar 2009   / 4020 views

Big girls need love too. Yes, they may tip the scale, be expensive dinner dates, and the butt of jokes, but underneath it all there's a heart longing to be loved. If you’re a man that lacks game, appreciates some curves, and desperately wants to hold someone, or at least try, then the plus-size lady is for you.

A is for Anger

Plus-sized chicks have a lot of pent-up anger. An inner rage boils inside them. They are mad that the world is thin-obsessed. They hate how women are portrayed in the media. They ramble on about “looking healthy” and being proud to be a curvy woman. Usually they vent on feminist websites or target articles (like this one) that are somewhat critical of their type. Sometimes they just take it out on their man.

B is for Business Class

When you date a big girl, your days of flying coach are over.

C is for Curves

Big girls claim to love their curves, and they also love Curves the gym. The way to a her heart is through her curves. Compliment her curve-a-licious body and she’ll be yours forever. What she won’t tell you is she spends hours at a Curves, working on those curves.

D is for Diet

These women are constantly dieting. Or at least they say they're dieting. In truth they never stick to it, or working out. That's why they're plus-sized. They buy every diet book published and have attempted every single fad diet. This constant yo-yoing can leave a man confused. A man doesn’t know if he should take his lady out for a Bloomin’ Onion at Outback Steak House or some fancy organic raw bar.

E is for Easier

Chances are, the reason why you're chasing larger chicks is because it’s usually easier to snag one, and they are oh-so-grateful.

F is for Fast Food

Fast food outlets are also a great place to meet a super-sized date option. But beware! Fast food is a fat person’s heroin. It can give a person an incredible high, but also bring out the worst in that person. Fast food is available around the clock, so there is no stopping a girl who must have her fix. Consider yourself warned.

Aerography masterpiece (3 pics)

Posted in Funny » LOL 6 Mar 2009   / 7914 views

I wouldn’t give my car to this aerography « specialist ». What a shame to have a car painted like this.
Aerography masterpiece (3 pics)

Crazy photomontage (58 pics)

Posted in Funny » Photoshop 2 Mar 2009   / 11785 views

These pictures are very popular in the internet. And of course, masters of Photoshop couldn’t pass by the opportunity to work with these pictures. The result is after the jump.

Crazy photomontage (58 pics)

Seagull, nasty thieves (14 pics)

Posted in Funny » LOL 23 Feb 2009   / 11364 views

Looking at these pictures you’ll understand why it’s dangerous to eat ice-scream when seagulls are around.

Seagull, nasty thieves (14 pics)

A kid and a cat (6 pics)

Posted in Funny » LOL 9 Feb 2009   / 6223 views

Why cats don’t like children.
A kid and a cat (6 pics)
A kid and a cat (6 pics)

Great montages (99 pics)

Posted in Funny » Photoshop 6 Jan 2009   / 13729 views

You want to laugh a bit, look this whole series. There were some pictures that made me laugh hard :)

Great montages (99 pics)

The best mug shots of 2008 (20 pics)

Posted in Funny » LOL 19 Dec 2008   / 27475 views

Here’s a rating of mug shots.
The best 20 photos taken right after these people’s arrest.
There is some funny stuff ))

The best mug shots of 2008 (20 pics)

Please don’t hit me (3 pics)

Posted in Funny » Fail 19 Dec 2008   / 7148 views

A guy left his car for a night on the street and put this sticker on his car: Please, don’t hit me.
In the morning he saw the consequences of his joke.

Please don’t hit me (3 pics)

Emo world. Emo kids (104 pics)

Posted in Funny » Freaks 18 Dec 2008   / 91128 views

Emo is a subculture that came in to our everyday life, no matter if you like it or not.
So, I decided to see who they really are, how do they look, what they dress.
And I got this big cool series of pictures with emo kids


Emo world. Emo kids (104 pics)

Creative “chins” (13 photos)

Posted in Funny » LOL 17 Dec 2008   / 11871 views

Very unusual but really funny.
Creative “chins” (13 photos)
Page 135 of 135: 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135












Archives

2017
2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008