continues his unnecessary inventing streak with 15 new things that do absolutely nothing.
The SideCar Garden™️
A fresh garden on the go! This garden planter features a patented suction cup technology that adheres direct lay to your car door. Hit the road and nibble on some fresh lettuce or strawberries on the way. The two-piece design also includes a reservoir system to ensure your plants grow big and lush. Now will you get out of my blind spot, I’m trying to change lanes!
Some meetings could’ve just been an email. It’s now easier than ever to take a 5-minute break in your digital meetings and just close the blinds. Our newest accessory quickly attaches to your laptop and works just like your window blinds to go up and down to block out your camera. Now can someone ask corporate if pants are mandatory on Zoom?
Your selfie game just kicked into high gear. Our newest footwear comes equipped with a specially designed chamber for your smartphone to take a selfie break. Slide it in, set your timer, and thrust your leg into the air to get the perfect self-portrait. If only I went to more yoga classes to get the good angles.
Hardly Working From Home Desk™️
A desk that actually matches how hard you work from home! From the integrated beer dispenser and flip-up smartphone mount, you can enjoy a relaxing day logged into work. Munch all day with the included snack compartment and when you need to think about getting work done – strap yourself into the chain system. “Working” has never been more enjoyable.
Stop wondering what the hell you left in your pockets. Straight off the runway from Las Vegas Fashion Week, our newest pants feature durable transparent plastic across each of your pockets for ultimate visibility. Get the full picture of what you’re packin’ at all times!
Show off your bread-making skills in style. If you’re like what seems to be every other person these days, you’ve started making sourdough. So sling on the only bag designed specifically for your delicious loaf that features handy pockets for a sharp knife and cutting board. I’ll show you my starter if you show me yours.
The Instructional Pants™️
Ok, insert left leg, pull upward, zipper fly – Got It! You can never have too many instructions to help get you through your day. Luckily our latest denim collection features all the necessary steps and tips to properly put on your pair of pants when you finally leave the house. Keep everything in the right pocket and even pick your wedgie.
The Drink O’Clock™️
Does the actual time really matter? Our newest 24-hour clock ditches the idea of knowing the exact specific time by simply letting you know what to drink. If you aren’t quite sure about the progress of the day, simply glance at this clock for a thirst-quenching reminder. Is it time for alcohol yet though?!
The Social Distance Intimacy Aide™️
Show affection with proper social distancing practices. Our newest invention features a 6-foot folding arm with two extremely lifelike hands to grip & hold your significant other. Watch a movie or take a light walk just like you remember them. This is the new long-distance relationship!
The Dad Mask™️
Can’t wait to get some grass stains on this bad boy. Spring is in the air and your dad is itching to get working on the yard. Thankfully his favorite white sneakers now come in a stylish mask to wear. Be the top dad on the block when you lace this on. N95, more like N69 – right, kids?!
Banana Brass Kuckles™️
Streaming Roulette Dice Game™️
Roll the dice and binge away! Introducing the only solution when it comes to picking what to watch on TV. Simply roll these four dice to select your streaming service, a movie or tv series, the genre, and which show in that category to watch. You can thank me later, I have TV to get to!
Concert Cam Cap™️
Record your entire concert experience hands-free! This device allows you to simply live in the moment while still getting all the content you need for your endless concert Instagram story. No more arm fatigue holding up your phone. K-pop fans can rejoice!