“My wife says that in my sleep, I offer her cheese.”
“Once, my partner jumped up in his sleep and said, ‘I’mma kick that clown’s @$$ and take his cotton!'”
“My husband sometimes credit card swipes my butt cheeks in his sleep. The first few times, I thought he was looking for action, until he turned over and kept snoring.”
“Once, my sleeping ex said, ‘Every stair step is a step…on those things called stairs.'”
“My partner told me that one night, I sat up, sang the theme music to Neverending Story, and went back to sleep.”
“My husband is a truck driver, and I woke up once to him ‘shifting gears’ with my leg.”
“Once, my husband yelled, ‘Son of a b#tch stole my apple!'”
“Once, my husband tried to cuddle my big toe, thinking it was our newborn baby.”
“Once, my dad watched Universal Soldier before going to bed, and the next morning, my mom told me she woke up in the middle of the night by him saying, ‘You’re going to die — BANG, BANG, BANG!’ and finger-gunning her in the ribs. She had to hit him to wake him up.”
“The funniest thing my husband said in his sleep was, ‘That dolphin is making anti-Semitic comments!’ I laughed so hard I cried.”
“The day after Thanksgiving, I leaned over to cover my sleeping husband up with the blanket, and he turned to me and said, ‘I’m supposed to have seven green beans somewhere — did you take them?'”
“My husband once woke me up saying, ‘Call the police. Call the police! CALL. THE. POLICE!’ I chuckled when I realized he was sleep talking. And the next morning, he told me he’d been dreaming that one of his students was upset about her grade, and was revving up a car at the end of our driveway, preparing to run him over! He’s a professor.”
“Once, my sleeping wife said, ‘Guuuuuuurll, I need to get my finances in order.’ We still laugh about it to this day.”
“My husband once rolled over, nudged me, and whispered, ‘Do you see them? They see you.’ Nothing like the love of your life waking you up and scaring you half to death.”
“My husband just loudly yelled, ‘Hot damn!'”
“I’ll never forget the time my husband was asleep and he said, ‘Survey says, “Ummmmm, f@#k me.”‘”
“When my husband and I were dating, I had woken up to go to the bathroom, and when I got back, he was all over my side of the bed. So I nudged him and told him to move over, and he said, ‘What smoke are you crackin’?’ We still quote it to this day.”
“Both my husband and my youngest son sleep talk. Since our son also has night terrors during growth spurts, we let him sleep in our room then so we can keep an eye on him. And when that happens, he and my husband have actual sleep-talking conversations… My husband will say something on my left, and my son replies on my right.”
“My partner said that once I rolled over and asked him how much my bail was, then rolled back over and fell back to sleep. I’ve never been arrested in my life!”
“My partner once smacked me across the face with a pillow because I was listing every cake flavor out. His birthday was coming up, and in my sleep I was trying to figure out what type of cake to make.”
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she has figured out that if she just agrees to whatever I am saying, I go back to sleep.
if she disagrees, I create a whole angry argument around it until she agrees