"Singing a lullaby to my daughter and she popped her pacifier out of her mouth and shoved it in mine. Yes, I’m a terrible singer…."
"I recently was working with a kid and another teacher, and the kid turned to the other teacher and said (about me) “she probably listens to ‘all by myself’ at night”."
"A kid said I look like a raw salad. Wtf he meant, how can a salad not be raw, why did he need to say “raw salad” and not just salad?"
"I teach elementary Special Needs, and one of my students was angry with me, and yelled at me to “Go to lunch!” . My lunch break is really the only time I actually leave the classroom, so I know that was her way of telling me to get lost… It made me laugh so hard internally. Probably externally, too."
"When is your baby due?
I’m very obviously a dude"
"-My 6-year-old lifting my 3-pound weights- “I’m getting some exercise so I don’t get fat like you, mommy.”"
"I did my student teaching placement with 6th graders. We were doing something and the principal stuck his head in to say hi. He did the whole dad joke “don’t let any of these guys scare you away from teaching”. Without missing the beat, some kid said, “yeah, let the paycheck do it.”"
"I was jogging around my neighborhood. Out of shape and out of breath near the end of my run. Three little girls were standing on their stoop watching me lurch past. I saw them giggling as I approached. Then in unison they started chanting
“Fart face! Fart face! You’re a farty fart face!”
They didn’t stop til I was out of sight. It hurt cause I am a bit of a fart face but I didn’t realize random children could instantly tell."
"Not me but my little cousin grabbed my dads chest and said, “Cups!”. My aunt started laughing hysterically as she explained that’s what their family calls boobs."
"I have large lips. My cousin Mollie was three.
” Hey brerosie, why did God make your lips like a fishy?”"
"My daughter touched my stomach and said “I won’t say your tummy is fat cause that might hurt your feelings”.
She’s right. It would"
"My kids heard the song Gangnam Style and learned the phrase “sexy” at too young of an age. One of them said “sexy” in public and I must have shushed them with no explanation, which led to “sexy” being thought of as a bad word.
My 4 year old daughter got mad at her dad and said in a very angry voice at the playground “leave me alone you sexy old man!” We didn’t correct her and it stuck. My kids go-to insult is to call us “sexy” when they are mad!"
"My son (5 at the time) called me a dumb antique after I pretended to not understand a joke he had told me. It stung but I was quietly proud of him."
"My child (age 4 then) was flipping through her baby scrapbook and found a picture of me holding her as a teensy infant.
“Mama look! It’s a picture of when you were tired!” I wasn’t insulted really, but yeah kid – I’ve been tired since you came along. Lol"
"I was at a fundraiser golf tournament and there were a few putting games for prizes. This kid steps up, does well and gets the high score. I went next and beat his score. The kid looks at me and says in a super snarky, kinda upset tone: “ big deal if you beat me. I’m 11, you’ve gotta be like 20.”
At 42 i just repeated, yes, I’m like 20."
"My four year old daughter, “Daddy, I can do something you can’t do.”
“What’s that, honey?”
“Brush my hair.”
You guessed it, I’m bald."
"Not me, but my wife. My son (5) was in the other room talking about a monster on the TV with a big fat belly, and I leaned in and told him it’s impolite to say that someone has a big fat belly. He immediately replied, loudly, “But I wasn’t talking about mom!!!”"
"Me trying to make [email protected]#tty jokes
5 year old: you’re not funny
I just stopped for the rest of the night with my feelings destroyed"