"The asteroid that ended the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in Earth's history."
"A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you."
"As an identical triplet, you are simultaneously one of the rarest and most common people on the planet."
"Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of [your] voice cracking in a verbal argument."
"Once we have self-driving cars, wipers will no longer be essential, because the car doesn't need a clean windshield to drive. Only humans do."
"Kids will never understand the poignant self-satisfaction of slamming a phone down on the cradle to hang up on someone and end an angry conversation."
"There could be a viral video of you doing something random with millions of views, and you have no idea because you haven't seen it."
"Gen Z might have been the last generation to know what it’s like to get up early in the morning to catch your favorite cartoons on TV."
"Someone out there vividly remembers something you said, which you have completely forgotten."
"When you walk into a 7-eleven you wouldn’t think it’s an 18 billion-dollar company."
"Adult life is hard, but at least we don't have to do P.E. anymore."
"It won't be long before people use 'the 20s, the 30s, the 40s' to describe the 2020s, the 2030s, and the 2040s."
"If 24-hour clocks started at 23:59 and counted down till 00:01, people might try getting more done."
"We advocate not judging a book by its cover, but also glorify 'love at first sight.'"
"At some point in life, there was a stranger who got disappointed by how your voice sounded when you started talking."
"Chances are high you are not anyone's best friend."
"Biscuits and gravy are weird because it’s like 'Here’s some really wet flour poured over some really dry flour.'"
"All adults were children but not all children will become adults."
"It’s likely that over 99% of trees that you look at will be still here when you’re dead."
"The most attractive people you will ever see are often random passersby in public -- who you will never see again, not celebrities you can follow on social media."
"The posted speed limit is the legally accepted maximum limit, but the socially accepted minimum limit."
"We’re closer to the year The Jetsons took place (2062) than the year The Jetsons first aired (1962)."
"Most people aren't scared of being alone in the dark — they're scared of not being alone in the dark."
"One day your parents put you down and never picked you up again."
"An everything bagel is proof that you can seemingly have it all and still have a hole inside you."
"We go to work by cars each day taking the same route but almost never encounter the same cars along the way."
"If heaven exists it’s probably going back and doing your life over, but fixing all your mistakes."
"The ten years between 25 and 35 are far shorter than the four years between 14 and 18."
"The fact that bodies decompose and rot after they die just shows how much our bodies do to keep us alive from contaminates."
"Painkillers are the "Mute Notifications" option for the body."
"Humans are afraid of being bitten by spiders even though they have more teeth. Spiders are afraid of being stepped on by humans even though they have more legs."
"Hearing 'I love you' hits different than 'I love you too.'"
"We really don't appreciate the fact that email is free."
"There are sidewalks in the Cars movies but they are all cars."
"4 a.m. is the hour where you’re either up really late or really early."
"Elementary schoolers who have no control over their transportation are punished more for being late than college students who own cars."
"There’s a good chance that your calculator history is more embarrassing than your browser history."
"Being 'on your phone all day' went from sounding very sociable to very unsociable within the span of a decade."
"Finding an eggshell in an Egg McMuffin is both annoying and reassuring."
"Pressing the ‘lock’ button on your car key fob multiple times is the grown-up version of saving your game twice."
"If you're still pretty young, chances are you still haven't met the majority of people who will attend your funeral."
"Death is a paradox. It makes everything meaningless while it also gives meaning to everything."
"The richest person on Earth is technically also the richest person in the universe, since our definition of rich is owning a lot of Earth money, and there's no way for Extra-Terrestrial life to obtain it."
"Jello isn’t technically boneless."
"Most people would find licking the inside of a pipe disgusting but wouldn't think twice about drinking water coming from that same pipe."
"Whenever you eat canned pieces of fruit, you are more than likely sharing one whole fruit with someone hundreds of miles away."
"Headaches make you realize how much you take not having one for granted."
"Extra fries in your bag is going to become a thing of the past once fast-food workers are 100% replaced by robots."
"Maybe midlife crises aren't really crises at all, the person has just reached a point in their life when they can do what they want and don't care what anyone else thinks. The people who are upset by it are just mad that their opinion doesn't matter."
"In the Cars universe, a movie about humans would probably be a horror movie. Slender creatures made out of flesh and bone riding the lifeless carcasses of cars for their convenience."
"You probably know more Latin, a dead language, than you do Mandarin, the most common native tongue."
"You never really know how much fun you're having until you look back at that same moment years later."
"If Apple had kept its 1976 logo, it wouldn't have to change its logo during pride month."
"Academic grades are strange in that while you’re in school they are the most heavily weighted indicator of your potential but they are never considered important after your first job post-school."
"A rating of 2 stars is worse than a rating of 1 star because you know whoever rated it actually tried and tested it and they're not a troll or blind hater."
"Your belly button is just your old mouth."
"A successful marriage ends with watching the other person die."
"The brain not only named itself, but it also recognized that it named itself and was surprised when it realized that."
"Accidentally liking someone's post while snooping through their profile is the digital equivalent of stepping on a twig while sneaking through the forest."
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Yes you do. You just aren't paying enough attention to recognize them.
I had it the other way round. She liked my voice but was disappointed by my looks...