"When the mother of the house has spent four hours making breakfast for the whole family with like 3832523 ingredients that cover the entire kitchen table and the dad or son or whatever walks by, grabs an apple and says they don't have time to eat because they're late for work. I'm pretty sure that person could be legally murdered in real life"
"if a girl is arguing with you in real life and you kiss her to shut her up she will most likely not appreciate it"
"Young professionals or college students living in HUUUGE, fully furnished apartments in the city"
"5 bad guys attacking the hero ONE-AT-A-TIME..."
"USB stick goes in the right way"
"Movies - “wtf was that!” Don’t bother turning lights on. Go look...
Real life - my wife hears something “wtf was that! Wake up! Go check!!!!!” Turns every single light on, locks the bedroom door behind me, has 911 ready to dial. Constantly yells for me to give an update. Allows me back in the door after triple confirming my identity, using the secret password.... oh that noise?
Dog farted."
"When the girl that the main potagonist likes doesn't like him back, so the main potagonist bothers and stalks her for so long that she finally falls in love with him. In real life she would probably call the police."
"In movies with any kind of trial scene there's always a dramatic moment where one of the attorneys presents a witness or piece of evidence that completely changes the course of the trial. Something that neither the judge or opposing attorney knew about.
Like sorry buddy, but the discovery deadline was a month ago"
"Becoming popular after taking down your ponytail and removing your nerdy glasses."
"Lead actor sits down at bar: "Get me a beer."
Movie Bartender: *silently gets beer*
Real-life Bartender: "What? What kind of beer? We've got 20 beers on tap and an extensive bottle list. Do you want a menu or something?""
"Whenever people play something back, be it a tape recorder, video recording, or whatever, they can always fast-forward or rewind to EXACTLY the point they want, with perfect accuracy."
"A girl waking up with perfect hair and a face full of perfectly done makeup. I don't care how pretty of a girl you are you don't wake up with perfect hair."
"A bunch of students in their late twenties in high school"
"It isn't romantic to keep pursuing someone after they've told you they aren't interested, it's toxic and creepy. No healthy person is out there saying no when they mean yes."
"People working minimum-wage/part-time jobs living in big apartments in the downtown areas of cities."
"Guns with no recoil and not going deaf despite not wearing hearing protection when firing that M4 indoors singlehandedly and taking down every bad guy with one shot per guy and no reloading..."
"Phone call : "turn on the tv"
tv: "exactly the correct station at the beginning of the news story the person called about""
"Car chases never encounter traffic jams."
"A person going from drunk to sober in 5 minutes because they drank a cup of black coffee."
"They don't make keyboard mistakes or have to backspace. Movie characters get it on the first shot, whether it's sending a text or hacking into the Pentagon."
"Boarding a plane after the gate has closed. No, not even for true love!"
"5 machine guns somehow missing the protagonist in the room"
"Characters can hear every word of dialogue perfectly in a noisy environment.
Captain frantically whispering to the private - "I need you to charge that machine gun nest."
Private - "um actually I can't hear you I'm completely deaf from 3 hours of constant gunfire.""
"Grocery bags in movies ALWAYS have unwrapped French bread and some green leaf lettuce sticking out of the top."
"I've worked in a hospital as a nursing assistant and I can hardly stand to watch any medical related movies now. They always depict the doctors as being closely involved with patient care and doing everything the patient needs, such as handing out meds, conducting tests, etc. This simply doesn't happen in real life. While the doctors do make a care plan, there are hundreds of other professions in a hospital setting that carry out that plan. Nurses hand out meds and do wound care, NAs help patients with activities of daily living, a transport team takes patients to their tests where other nurses/techs actually conduct the tests. It's an intricate system that doesn't revolve solely around the physicians. Don't get me wrong, I have all the respect in the world for doctors and I plan on going to medical school, but movies do so many other jobs in healthcare an injustice by not depicting what they actually do."
"People cough and it's always indicative of an incoming terminal illness. A phone rings and it's terrible/pertinent news.
In real life people cough because there's something tickling their throat or because they swallowed something funny. You answer a phone call and Liz is trying to sell you a cheap stay in Las Vegas even though you've told that c@#t to f@#k off more than three times in the last month."
"People that are experts in their highly scientific field are not usually young and hot. It takes a long time to become so highly qualified for nuclear physics and that sort of thing. But no, in movies, it is always someone that looks to be in their mid 20s at the latest."
"The phone only rings to move the plot along. IRL my phone only rings due to scammers or bots calling from an Arlington, Va number."
"People shrugging off a flesh wound like it's nothing. They even say "It's just a flesh wound." The movie Last Action Hero does a good job of mocking this by having Jack Slater incur a flesh wound in "the real world," and it's a big deal. But then he goes into the movie world and it's barely a scratch.
In fact, Last Action Hero has a lot of examples, like people being able to punch through car windows, or the women working at Blockbuster being way too attractive."
"Huge catastrophe happens - everyone in the whole city is dead, except my whole family! How lucky I am!"
"NO ONE HAS BLACKOUT CURTAINS IN MOVIES. Why?? Everyone wakes up to bright sunlight and no curtains and beautifully clean bedrooms ... that is NOT reality!!!"
"I've never seen anyone apprehend criminals while causing millions and millions in damage to the city."
"People waiting their turn to talk.
Imagine a realistic drama where one character confronts the person who wronged them, and about 2 sentences into their big, inspiring, mic-drop moment, the other person cuts them off with "Go f@#k yourself, @$$hole".
I mean, I've had my share of arguments. Not many people sit patiently through several paragraphs of well thought out reasons why they're wrong. "
"Jumping inches away from an explosion blast won’t do s@#t."
"A young married couple buying a massive 2 or 3 story Victorian that is completely updated and has full attic and basement as their first home like that's a normal thing. Even with a discount for the demons that hang out there a new married couple that just spent upwards of 40 grand on a wedding is not gonna be able to afford this huge remodeled house."
"Medical examiner comes back with a tox report and DNA match in a matter of minutes. IRL, this stuff takes days or weeks."
"People never have to go to the bathroom and are rarely hungry or thirsty, and can go for weeks with virtually no sleep."
"Free available storefront parking"
"The way actors dramatically circle each other while they're having conversations. It's something stage actors are taught to do to make the scene more dynamic, but it's not something people ever actually do in real life. Imagine chatting with your buddy somewhere and he just starts circling you mid-conversation: "So anyway, I think we should . . . uh, where are you going? What is happening right now?""
"Will power seems to be greater than any injury in every movie.
4 broken ribs, countless lacerations, and eyes swelled shut probably wont be remedied by the time you are fighting the next wave of baddies."
"Someone asking like 20 people to leave a room so they can have a conversation with one other person. "Can we have the room?" Or "Give us the room."
This happens all the time in movies. It has been driving me crazy since I started noticing it."
"2 Candles lighting up a room the same way a lamp will.
People brushing their teeth with no toothpaste foaming like a rabid dog."
"When someone hacks a 'mainframe' in five seconds"
"Parking right outside of your destination in the city."
"When soldiers die on the battlefield in movies, its usually a whole ordeal with last words and grunting and the injured soldier slowly becoming lifeless as a buddy holds him in his arms. All the while the battle seemingly lulls off as this one random guy is dying.
This just doesn't happen. Usually battlefield deaths are quick and very sudden. A lot of the time the guy hit either isn't noticed until later or is dead before they hit the ground."
"Immediate comebacks. Even the sharpest people will not have a comeback for everything, every single time."
"People establishing family (outside of mothers, fathers and grandparents) relationships in their greetings so anyone that happens to overhear knows how you're related.
"Hey brother, it's been a long time!"
"What's going on, sis?"
"How are you, cousin?""
"Highschoolers very openly and obviously throwing house parties or going to clubs and getting wasted.
Being drenched the second they walk outside while raining
One person running in and saying something along the lines of "omg i have to tell you so and so...." getting interrupted by the person they want to talk to saying "i don't have time for this" and leaving. Of course you're going to want to know why someone needs to obviously and urgently tell you something."
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Is that similar to a potatoes?
Woman: No
Man: Hmmm
#26 Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the first/best movie to mock flesh wounds.
And then he would take 7 more shots, without reloading, and kill 7 more.