“Drank the whole coconut then cracked it open to find this…”
“Travelling back to work and my bag gets caught in a car fire. All medical equipment, garmin watch, Xbox, projector and countless clothes up in smoke. Let my week get better…”
“Bought a PS5 for my son’s birthday. Someone at UPS swapped it out with a rock.”
“The only path back to my room blocked by cute but incredibly angry sea lions.”
“Neighbor just got a Supra a few weeks ago.”
“What i asked for vs what I got. $400 and I feel like an idiot.”
“Neighbor’s cat decided to take shit on our skylight.”
“Missed my pocket knife in the laundry.”
“I rarely make a hot breakfast for myself but I decided to treat myself this morning. “
“My truck fell off a tow truck today and sideswiped a nice lady’s tree.”
“My friend went to get into his work truck this morning and found that someone drilled a hole in the gas tank and stole all of his gas.”
“On vacation with my kid: I went to check in at 2:30 and my hotel asked I come back in an hour to pick up my key cards because my room wasn’t quite ready. I came back to a line that literally spanned a city block, 100 more people behind me. They had only ONE single working bathroom and no water.”
“Brushed my teeth for a good 20 seconds with this…”
“Guess I’ll stay at home today.”
“Somebody smeared dog shit on the front of my car after I reported a dangerous situation at work.”
“Somebody dropped their coffie on the bus.”
“Testing out our new printer. Left the room for 5 minutes and came back to this.”
"The handbook on how to deliver a package"
“Poured hot water in this brand new mug and the bottom fell off.”
“Rolled up right before the concert started.”
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or someone has hurled his fork into the food, like Queequeg his harpoon into the whale
So you can drive a car on the sand without sinking.
Before the question comes "What makes you an expert on coconuts?" here goes the answer, I am from Sri Lanka and I own a land containing more than two dozen coconut trees and I have lived my whole life knowing what coconuts are, makes me a bit of a specialist; much more than Will Smith being a specialist in slapping, wouldn't you think?
#8 More likely a raccoon or a possum than a cat. My own roof has turned into a raccoon toilet, and given the potentially deadly parasite, Baylisascaris procyonis, that's found in raccoon feces it makes cleanup a much more unpleasant chore.
#15 Yeah, but your teeth don't itch anymore, right?
#19 Try print-preview next time.