“When I was 16, my parents commissioned my grandad to paint a portrait of me to raise my self-esteem. It did not.”
“This is why no one talks to me at school.”
“No, I’m not pregnant. I just feel like pregnancy pics are cute, and I want to be involved.”
“When no one gives me compliments for a few days, I start thinking that I look exactly like in this small mirror.”
“These guys sit at this table every morning. The restaurant owners made this sign to claim the table for them.”
“Hi, ladies! Would you like to drop by for a gulp of oxygen or a glass of fluid?”
“I found the perfect Halloween costume. Or is it perfect as an everyday outfit?”
"What do you know about a beautiful life?"
“My dad and I have a tradition of putting me in the Costco cart, and now that I’m nearly 30 we realized it’s borderline sad.”
“I tried taking a selfie while I was underwater.”
“I will never be as successful as this small duck.”
“For my birthday this year, I decided to go to my favorite team’s game. To tell you the truth, it could have been a better gift.”
“I took school dances a little too seriously.”
"This mom turned her son’s broken arm into infinite power."
“Today I welcomed my first child into the world. Here’s a photo of me waking up after passing out in the OR.”
“My coworker told me today that I always look suspicious. I was very confused as to why she would think that and then remembered I have literally looked like this since I was a baby.”
“I send this to my girlfriend when our arguments aren’t getting anywhere.”
“I work at a hotline and this is my desktop.”
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So have you talked to your psychiatrist about your tattoo fixation yet?
Comes with fortune cookie!
you got that two times?
better believe it
#56
so thats the 500$ stand